Everything but the girl

Arghhh.... that's it! I'm moving!

2007-03-05T19:41:00.000+05:00

Blogger hates me. I swear it does. It doesn't let me sign in to post stuff on my blog and it doesn't let me switch to the new blogger version. Bad Blogger. Bad bad blogger. Im switching to word press meanwhile. Leave me whatever comments you have over there. I still love you guys :D don't despair. I aint done with you folks yet.

My new add: http://runwildnfree.wordpress.com/

2007-02-18T23:05:00.000+05:00

Remembering the blog

2007-02-17T23:04:00.000+05:00

This Blogger ban is Maha-irritating. Grrr....

The diary of a mad desi woman

2007-02-07T11:30:00.000+05:00

Testing testing... Happy Place. Please come in.

2007-02-07T11:20:00.000+05:00

Came across something I had doodled a few months back on the back of a book:

I wanna go to Canada. I was told Bryan Adams lives there. And I will tell myself that is the only reason I want to go to Canada.

Funny how you feel about something can change drastically within a few days.

2007-02-02T02:13:00.000+05:00

Hello People. Well, people who read this anyway. People who I haven't actually mangaed to bore away yet.

So yes, hello people. Congratulations are in order. And since I am a vain, self-indulgent, self obsessed freak/ass, of course I am congratulating myself and not you. And dup dup da dup, da da da daaaaa.... I made it... to Final year of Med school. It was a long long loooooonng journey. And I am finally here. And my phone's working again (I can use my crummy dial-up again), so all you peeps can come back, cuz I'll try to post more often. Now there. Don't you all just love me :D

So yeah, did I mention I made it to final year? Well, yeah I did. There I was doing my happy chicken dance, celebrating to my heart's content, when reality decided, in a much too sordid way, that I had to be stopped. That's when it actually hit me.

Final Year.

Not to be chicken danced through. The first two days taught me that. My books weigh a ton. The teachers all apparently teach in french, cuz I can't understand a single word they say. The cherry topping arrived as military orders to start shadowing a designated Surgeon from 10:45 am sharp till whatever time we pass out from sheer exhaustion. Ok, so the last part was slightly untrue; they make sure we are exhausted to that point but let us go before we pass out. It's a hospital, for God's sake people. What impression does it leave if they see future doctors passing out. So that's when we troop out to our cars and try not killing anybody on the road, on our drive back home.

So yeah, basically, the joke’s on us. Us happy troopers are not so happy anymore. No more friends. No more bitching sessions. No more hang outs. No more anything.

Something tells me this is going to be a long long lonnnnng year. Sigh.

2007-01-31T18:04:00.000+05:00

Mary: Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias.

- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Ahh.... touche!

2007-01-20T20:22:00.000+05:00

Danny Archer: Sometimes I wonder if God will ever forgive us for what we've done to each other... Than I look around and I realize... God left this place a long time ago..

- Blood Diamond

Me me!! and a little more me. :D

2006-12-25T05:13:00.000+05:00

Seven Things I want to do in life:
1) Be someone Allah would be proud of.
2) Accept and love myself for who I am.
3) TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL.
4) Learn to play a guitar/ dance/ skate/ swim/ play tennis. I really do wanna learn how to swim.
5) Learn a few other languages. Become better at farsi and pushto.
6) Work hard at whatever I do become eventually. I wanna, really really wanna enjoy my job.
7) Not become a statistic. Ever. In anyway.

Seven Things I can do:
1) Wrap gifts.
2) Drive! He he. Not good at it though.
3) Shop for shoes. :D Yes I have excellent taste when it comes to shoes. So I gloat.
4) Obsess and fret and whine and complain.
5) Organize stuff.
6) Sleep for more then 8 hours. My maximum was 15 or 16 hours straight once.
7) Remember birthdays.

Seven Things I cant do:
1) Keep grudges. Seriously. Keeping grudges needs good memory. I dont have that so I forget most of the times what I was upset about. Besides my tantrums are usually a tidal deal. Comes and goes, no grudges.
2) Cook
3) Make a decent cup of tea. (lol at your scandalised look, but really. I dont drink tea so I never get the amount of tea, milk or sugar right.)
4) Hate people. Requires too much energy. Im ok with disliking them.
5) Sing.
6) Give good vivas.
7) Keep up pretenses.

Seven things I say the most:
1) Haina.
2) Lol! (in writing that is)
3) Acha suno.
4) Eeew
5) Khair.
6) Bloody hell
7) Elo

Seven Things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1) Looks (yep, Im that shallow and that honest)
2) Humor (he HAS to be funny)
3) Witty (without being a schmuck)
4) Kindness
5) Honesty
6) Humility
7) Good taste

Seven Celebrity Crushes:
1) Brad Pitt (obviously)
2) Guy (who keeps running and running) in String’s Video “Huey Anjaney kiyu”
3) Eric Bana
4) Lead Guy in the movie Step up
5) Adnan Siddiqui.
6) Jas Arora
7) Dont remember any other.

Ok so let's be honest!

2006-12-25T04:49:00.000+05:00

Beautiful Stranger (over at Freak's Corner) tagged me, so here goes,

Six Weird things about me (unleash the craziness):

1) I do a happy dance whenever Im... well... happy. Also there is the happy/excited clapping when for some/whatever reason, I cannot execute my happy dance.
2) I eat rice with Naan.
3) I start laughing while telling a joke. In the middle. Before I get to the punch line. Most of the times I never even get to the punch line. The joke is just so bloody funny inside my head.
4) I snort coke in reverse. Also sprite. The coke mentioned is not the “coke” coke, but Coca cola coke. Drinking and driving is very dangerous. In my case, drinking and laughing together is very very dangerous. I cant laugh and swallow my drink at the same time, so it comes out of my nose instead. So if you get me laughing while I'm drinking something, I can do a whole show for you, with me coughing and snorting my drinking out. Yes I'm disgusting too. Its a rare talent I highly treasure.
5) I'm told, I used to sleep walk and talk a lot. Key word is used to. Most of it involved, getting up in the middle of the night and getting ready for school. Then one of my sisters or my mum would make me change my uniform and drag me to bed. What can I say. I loved school. :D
6) I use a lot of blanko while writing and stuff. I think I have OCD. I have this overwhelming need for my writing to be symmetrical, neat and tidy. Yes, I am crazy.

2006-12-17T05:14:00.000+05:00

My comeback was supposed to be happy and energetic. But my new motto, "no more drama" allows me no venting in real life. So bear with me on the cyber-level.

So no the world is not ending. I'm happy and energetic even if it is 5 in the morning and mum's hissing at me from her bed. Just a few thoughts I had to pen down before I skipped merrily away to bed.

Yes. Life is good.

2006-12-17T04:50:00.000+05:00

I never saw this coming. This was not supposed to happen. I don't know what to do anymore. We were supposed to be the Golden Girls (with our boys). What we had was supposed to last. We were all supposed to graduate, get married together, have kids, have our weekend brunches, our annual getaways, and our kitty parties. We were supposed to grow old together.

And now you guys dont even wanna see each other's faces. You've gone ahead and ruined it all for the rest of us. All I have is memory of thirteen wonderful years to look back to and now, you're managing to ruin even that for me. Thank you so frikkin' much.

And stop asking me to choose. Im caught in the middle. I never asked to be here. All you stupid asses with your mega egoes that doesn't let you work things out with your childhood friends. You are all morons. All of you. Jahil, idiot log.

Get back to me if this makes sense to you.

2006-12-17T03:48:00.000+05:00

I've spent the better part of the last two to three years telling my mother I never want to come back and settle down in Q-town. Holidays and all is fine but settling here, no way. Even though I have grown up here, spent 18 yrs of my life here, I still have my reasons for not wanting to come back here. (So dont judge me... )

So yeah, Ive told my mum this over... and over... and over. Only this time did I realize that maybe being so vocal about it was not such a good idea. She's the one who has spent the most time here, in this city, amongst these people, away from her own family, and now, away from all of her daughters. Today she rebelled and refused to get me a ticket for my flight back to karachi. It was initially funny. But then, I tried thinking from where she stood. And it didn't feel all that good. So Dear God, point taken. Keep my mum happy and I shall put a lid on my constant dismissal of what my mother regards as home.

Technicolor hunger!

2006-11-13T04:30:00.000+05:00

Exams in two days... the count down begins... :D lets hope for the best. Will post some more after 18th during my viva break. Till then, today's funny is:

Sana: I woke up and was really hungry. I didn't understand why till I remembered dreaming about eating Khalaz dahi phulkiz.

I say a little prayer for you..

2006-11-13T04:17:00.000+05:00

Yes, I'm still alive. Keep checking for updates.

My family and other animals...

2006-11-02T15:58:00.000+05:00

One of my favourite cousins (in a long list of favourites): Furqy Baby

Disclaimer (before my uncle finds my blog and comes after me for calling his son an animal): The cutie patootie upar is not an animal and even if he is, its just a little monkey. And all that mess is entirely his own handiwork although I found out that giving him a plate full of chips, in some way, encouraged him. And then they blame me for spoiling kids. Hmph.

Yes, Im bored. I dont wanna study anymore :(

Just sad, but thats life

2006-11-01T09:52:00.000+05:00

I love comics. My current favourites are Questionable content and Patches. In patches, Im not even sure what the two things are (hamsters , I suppose?) but its a great comic.

So, bored from stupid Commed, I came online and was looking through its archive when I came across this panel.

It reminded me of my grand father. Yeah, a comic reminded me of my grand father, although for some reason, I've been missing him a lot since the last couple of weeks.

So, if I haven't told you before, here is the low-down. My grand father (nana/mum's father) died a few years ago, on 5th January, 2003, to be exact. He had a stroke. Was on the floor when my aunt and grand mum (nani ma) found him. For three days, he was unconcious and drugged in the hospital and then he died. No good byes, no nothing. He went away just like that.

So a while ago when I was going through the Patches archive and I came across this comic, the first thing it reminded me of was my grand father. We all did our grieving for our own private loss four years ago. We are all still doing that in our own different ways. My mum's become hypertensive, my grand mother aged a hundred years all of a sudden. Like I said, everyone is still grieving in one way or another for their own private losses that came around with his death.

But for the first time, in almost 4 years since his death, I wonder what he felt, what he went through in the last four days of his life. I wonder what he was thinking right before his stroke. I wonder what he was going through when he fell down on the floor. I wonder what he felt when he couldn't speak a single word properly (because of paralysis) when my grand mother tried talking to him. I wonder what he went through at the hospital those three days, where his mind was while he was unconcious. I wonder if he knew he was going to die. I wonder if he had any thought left unsaid, any thing left undone, any wish left unfulfilled. I wonder if he had any regrets.

I miss him. I hope he didn't go through a lot of pain. And I hope he knew how much we all loved him. And I hope he is in Allah's good books and enjoying His mercy.

Muah ha ha haa.... Im loving it!! :D

2006-11-01T07:32:00.000+05:00

Lol, ha ha!! Latest on American mid-term elections, check this out... he he

Is tarah ki baaton mey is tarah to hota hai :D

2006-10-26T20:54:00.001+05:00

Among other news, my 3 and a half year old cousin is going to take over the word with his wit. We shall refer to him as Almost Famous here, well, because he is a TV star yaar.

Scene: Eid Day 1

Act 1: Almost Famous collecting eidi and pocketing it.
My mum: Thats a lot of money. Can I have some too?
Almost Famous: (looking down at his pocket zipper) it says here that take eidi from other people, put it in here but dont take any money out and give it to anyone else.

Act 2: After collecting a lot of eidi.
Almost Famous, feeling very rich and benevolent, announces: I will give a little money to whoever dances the best.
My grandmother nearly fainted.

Act 3: At dinner, his mum told him to sit quietly and have his dinner without talking.
Chicki was sitting almost 10 people away from him. She laughed at something I said.
Almost Famous: Baji ap baatein mat karein, khana khayein.

After 5 minutes, he started arguing with my dad about the concept of being Batman, Spiderman and Superman all at once.
Chicki: Almost Famous, you were telling me to have my dinner quietly aur ab app khud batein kar rahey ho.
Almost Famous: Mey baatein to nahi ka raha, mey to Bhai Jaan ko samjha raha hoon.

(N.B: My Dad is 56. He is also the most intimidating person Ive known in my life. My aunts and uncles call him Bhai Jaan. Almost Famous, 3 and a half years old, also calls him Bhai Jaan. Go figure. I have a weird family. My mum's inlaws call her Bhabi. My cousins also started calling her bhabi. Their mums were mortified and my cousins were strictly told to call her aunty. They said ok. Now they call her Bhabi Aunty.)

Act 4: Argument about super heroes culminated in a fight. Almost Famous had to be physically removed by his mother into another room. My dad went to check on him after a while.
Almost Famous: Ap andar mat ayein. I am still upset at you.

Notice the pattern? Yes, one day he will take over the world. And apparently, he has decided to start with my dad.
Note to self: Be nice to Hitler when he comes around calling for Almost Famous.

All roads lead to heaven...

2006-10-26T20:54:00.000+05:00

I have a yellow sponge bob pencil. Cute! Also, I am cute because I smell like strawberries and melon right now (courtesy of the new moisturizer from mum). Apparently, insects and mosquitoes think so too; they've been biting me since last night. Which is not a good thing since there is a dengue fever epidemic going on nowadays.

I have all my worms mixed up. Dont you make faces at me. We, med-students, study disgusting stuff to treat you with your disgusting aliments. So says the bitch high on caffeine at the mo.

My commed book is a comedy. I shall post some excerpts from the reproductive health chapter (you with your faces again. We are all adults here :P) if you promise not to report my blog for indecent content. That reminds me. Forensic was pretty retarded too. But that was mostly a retarded subject. Commed is a retared course book.

Something I heard on FM 101, that made me smile at 3:30 am on chaand raat:

Tumharey lams ki hiddat nahi toh yaqeen jano, zindagi tham si gayi hai.

2006-10-26T20:46:00.000+05:00

I have a secret admirer!! :D

Lol, that's not why I am grinning.

He sent me an e-card for Eid. Addressed to my friend from her secret admirer. From his own email address. Which also showed me his real name. Haha.

2006-10-22T14:51:00.000+05:00

Mahnoorie tagged me ages ago. Since Im too pooped to come up with an original post right now, here is the me-me…

I am thinking about... My school friends.

I said... Some stuff that actually got noticed and, surprisingly, appreciated. Woo hoo! To being genuine.

I should… Study.

I want to...You'd kill me if I said Travel one more time, right? Lol, yeah, thought so. So I want to not study. Want and should are too very different things.

I wish... there were more hours in a day. Plus I wish I was more motivated. And also, I wish things with my school friends would go back to the way they were before.

I miss... School life (yeah, lots of school life references here. Will justify that with a separate post. Sigh. Long and *sad* story.)

I hear...Voices in my head. Defining emphysema. On repeat.

I wonder... If i'll ever be skinny enough.

I regret... My school friends group breaking up.

I am... Not very good at being coherent and eloquent. Ever. What my brain thinks and what comes out of my mouth are two very different things.

I dance... To TV commercials music. While walking. Only in front of my sisters and occasionally Mum.

I sing... To torture people.

I cry...at everything. I cry during movies, reading books, when I am sad, when I am angry. At everything.

I am not always... In a good mood (ha! Lol, yes, see even I am admitting it. I am a PMSing bitch sometimes too… which is a joke all by itself… lol, no sorry, cant explain.)

I write... Like I think. Incoherently. But my writing isnt half bad :D mum loves it anyway :P Shut up, Chicki, no one asked your opinion.

I confuse... Myself. Confession: Im a very very confused person.

I need... To motivate myself to study more. Im brilliant ;D Im not kidding about that. But that's when I study decently. Sigh, damn you, low will power.

I should try... to study more? Lol.

I finish... Lol? Hm… lemme think, every stupid novel that I pick up to read. I never leave a book in between.

I tag… Yay! Time to torture everybody else to do it.
Since Mahnoorie's the one who tagged me, I tag my other usuals…
Sum
Aisha
Sobia
TP (female, see Im even giving you stuff to write about :P wake up, before I give your blog CPR)
And a brand new entry to my usuals… Aya

Tag!!

2006-10-20T13:19:00.000+05:00

Today
Height: 5'7... Almost, lol!
Color: depends on the time of the year you see me… I range from a nice gori in hols (yes, im Vain, lol, deal with it), to a deep sickly yellowish brown in uni summers.
Piercing: 2 each ear, 1 nose… of course I look cool. My nose pin is a hit. Go ask DKA.
Tattoos: sigh if only they were allowed, I’d get one on me ankle.

Right Now
Time: 4:26 am
Mood: Antsy… need to eat and need to study.
Taste: Coffee
Weather: meh… my room gets no ventilation I swear.
Bad habit: sleep too much, spend too much time on the net, watch too much TV, dont study enough. And I constantly pick on my lips.
Current crush: JD from scrubs... he he I like my guys cute and funny.
Biggest regret: different uni.
Perfume(s): Eew Im so not going to smell myself right now. Its 4 in the night, Ive been studying, which equals working very very hard. What do you think I smell like? :P Yes, I can be very disgusting at times.
Thing I want to do: Travel travel travel.

Favourite
TV show: lots.. I love TV!!! Bright colours, good music, tiny little people… what isnt there to love :D
Book: Life isnt all Ha Ha he he by Meera Syal
Non alcoholic drink: Coca Cola!! My hips and tummy have certainly shown their affection by holding on to the pounds.
Milk drink: Strawberry shake.
Brand: none.
Color: None in particular. Dont like brown.
Emblem: Lol! I actually had to look up the meaning of this word first. Ha ha. I kid u not. I thought it was a word projecting an idea about a person, but its more like a visual picture or something. So I have no idea what I would be. Maybe I could be that famous painting where the blad man is screaming about something, you know the one they shown on MTV too.
Perfume: Cool water, hugo boss, chanel no.5.
Designer: HSY! Pretty pretty colours.
Chocolate: Maaaarssss, Cadbury’s fruit and nut. CHocolate cake. yum yum.

Have I Ever
Broken the law: I am not sure. Can you repeat the question while I go hide somewhere?
Misused credit card: Nope.
Skipped school: Lol, I loved school. In all my school going years, I just remember skipping it willingly one day, when I was sick and I happened to have a Bio test. Coincidence you think? ;) But does college count? I had like official Friday chutti all this year.
Fell asleep in the shower/bath: No. Not yet. Working on that.
Had children: Nope, none that I know of.
Been in love: Lol, Not sure.
Been hurt: yeah. Just last night, Chicki gave me her usual knock on the head. Which is more like a thud. And by usual I mean, she physically has to hit me every time she passes me by. We sisters show our love Stone-age style. You my sister, I love you, thud. Gets the point across.

Random
Have a job: No.
My CD player has what in it right now: Norah Jones.
If I were a crayon, the color: Pftt. I dont wanna be a crayon. I wanna be a water colour :D
What makes me happy: Im always happy. Not that it has much to do with my sunny predisposition. Im just on a lot of crack right now. :D

When/What Was the Last
I got a real letter: Dont remember.
Got an email: Abhi abhi when someone commented on my blog.
Thing I purchased: Does a card for my cell phone count?
TV program I watched: Scrubs!!! I wuv JD!
Movie I saw in the theaters: MI: 2 Lol, that too exactly 4 years ago.
Hugged: Khala. Last night.
Place I was: bathroom. Two minutes ago.
Song heard: Dil kya karey.
Phone call: Ish!
Was depressed: a few days ago about my paeds result.

What Comes to Mind When I Hear
Car: accident.
Murder: she wrote
Cape: super-man
Cell: credit!
Fun: chutti!
Shoe: want more!
Crush: JD!
Music: not right now
Love: outdated
Chalk: school

I Tag
Sum... lets see if I can wake her from her slumber.
Aya
Aisha
TP
Zuljin

Whatchoo' talkin about

2006-10-19T09:38:00.000+05:00

Aahhhh.. :/ I've started having my qualms again. The ones I usually have every two months when people start talking too much about shadiz and stuff. I hate weddings. lol, no wait. That is a complete lie. I love weddings. Dressing up is good for my vanity and ego. :D I just don't like the idea of marriage. For me, it means that there's nothing better in life left to do. I think I'll stop talking to Lint till I dont feel like retching everytime he says the M word. (He isn't talking about me, mind you.)

Aaahhh... travellllllinnnnnggg..... :D now that is something that is so high on the my list of to-dos. Totally non-retch. I swear if this were not Pakistan and if my parents were ok with that, I would not be in med-school right now. I'd be travelllllllinggggg all over the world. or atleast all over one continent. I know it requires money. Dont you go rolling your eyes at me. I'd work and then travel and then work and then travel. I can swear I have a gypsy/nomad soul in me. One day I'll leave my husband and kids and run away to some other country where I will change my name and identity. Princess Leia! That'll be the new me. I'll grow out my hair back to their old glorious length, wear long kimonoes... no scratch that idea. I hate layering, cant handle hot weather anyway. So will have long long hair again and will wear something that looks nice. And then I'll send my husband hate mail via Fedex, which will also be sort of mystery mail, along the lines of I know what you did last summer to drive your poor, lovely, beautiful (:D) wife away, you stinking bastard, so now you gotta take care of the kids yourself, and if you make them cry, I will so come down there and put the fear of God in you, that you'll curse the day you laid eyes on me, you retard, and you better feed my kitty too while you're at it, and dont you dare think about marrying anyone else yet, Im still not through with making you miserable enough to wanna kill yourself yet.

Yeah that would be good fun. Sigh. Curses, I hate studying for exams. Grumble grumble grumble.

2006-10-19T07:29:00.000+05:00

Dr. Return-of-the-dragon-from-hell is an excellent doctor. I'll give him credit for that. And he teaches really well. When he does decide to teach that is. Most of his sessions are spent in having discussions about why women are evil, how the world would be a better place without them, Islam, Pakistan, people who are evil and again, women who are the primal evil of all. Discussions are basically him talking and us pretending to listen.

For all the nonsense he usually does come up with, he said something a few days ago that hit home with me.

We were discussing the spirit of Ramzan. One thing led to another and he started telling us about this one time he was in Saudia Arabia during Ramzan. A friend of his introduced him to an Indian Doctor over there, who was a Hindu. Dr. Dragon's friend told him the oddest thing about the Indian doctor, that he held fasts in the whole month of Ramzan like muslims did, from dawn till dusk, observing every rule, short of offering Salat. The intrusive and in-everyones-face man that he is, Dr. D marched right up to the Hindu/Indian doctor and asked him why did he practice fasting when he wasn't even a muslim?

The Indian doctor replied (and I quote. not a precise quote though, just the gist of it) "Two reasons. One is, obviously, it is a great way to keep a check on your diet and stay healthy. The second and the more important reason is that I love this Muslim manner of showing your faith. To the world you might be fasting. You might not eat anything in front of your family, your friends, your colleagues. Hell, you can even sit dry-throat and empty-stomach all day, convincing yourself. But only you (the deep down you) and Allah know the truth of your status. So whether you actually fast or not, and how you fast is all truly observable only by Allah, the One you are actually fasting for. How are you going to lie to Him? If that isn't faith, what is?"

Wow was all I could say. SubhanAllah, a simple fact about our religion so easily understood by a non-muslim but something that eludes the majority of us who do claim to have faith.

(How fasting, as a non-muslim, is helping him along the lines of his faith is beyond me. Maybe it is one of Allah's grand designs, maybe it's a way of showing hidayat to someone, by attracting him to the way muslims practice their religion.)

Awwww :D

2006-10-17T00:15:00.000+05:00

I got this mail in a forward. It was toooo cute!!!! Couldn't resist, had to post it!

** *TIPS ON LOVE FROM THOSE THAT SHOULD KNOW**
(all questions were answered by kids, age 5-10)*

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??
"Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife"(Tom, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date"(Mike, 10)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buyher a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding" (Jim, 10)
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours"(Kally, 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" (Lynette, 9)
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble" (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE?
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular" (Jan, 9)
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something,but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful" (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE?
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life" (Roger, 9)
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I
don't want to do it. It takes too long" (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful" (Jeanne, 8)
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet"(Gary, 7)
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time"(Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS?
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them" (Dave, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE?
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television" (Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. Ihave been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girl skeep finding me" (Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love - I'm finding fourth grade hard enough" (Regina, 10)

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills"(Ava, 8)

SOME SURE FIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores" (Del, 6)
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love"(Alonzo, 9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me"(Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love" (John, 9)
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food" (Brad, 8)
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire.they like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire"(Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"?
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day" (Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS?
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you"(Doug, 7)
"It might help to watch soap operas all day" (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it" (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE?
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work" (Tom, 7)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash" (Randy, 8)

2006-10-14T15:06:00.000+05:00

I wish I was intelligent and bright instead of being just hard working. Actually even that is not quite true. I used to be pretty intelligent and hard working... till I got into med-school. Now I am neither. Not intelligent or hard working. Just pretty ;D he he... yes yes, I know, cheap joke. sigh. Im tired. Blame the tired little psychotic cushingoid brain that has been up since the last 24 hours.

Ok, so here's my question to everyone who is still somewhat connected to studying part of life? or has been through something similar to my studies pattern.... how do I get better in Vivas (viva-voce)? I am great at writing. I suck at vivas. So, please, any help in this matter will be great!!! (i sound like Im writing an application)

2006-10-13T19:19:00.000+05:00

Lol! The stat counter is fun.... :D so many people visiting my blog, i can seeeeee you... :D well, not really see you see you.... but atleast i know what country you're from... :D
which is fun :D

i didn't know people from canada were reading my blog.... comment every now and then y'all!

2006-10-13T19:02:00.000+05:00

Zzzzz...

2006-10-12T01:56:00.000+05:00

2006-10-06T04:33:00.000+05:00

I came across an old post I had written more then a year back, sometime in July last year. This part of it stood out. Funny how we say stuff and forget their effect until we come face to face with them again.

Train of thoughts: Some things arent meant to be. Sort of comforting, that is, as harsh as it may sound the first time around. Means something else out there is meant to be, and its still there waiting to happen. All is not lost. Gives me hope.

Does it ever get better then this?

2006-10-03T19:02:00.000+05:00

Mum at the 25 years reunion bash of her M.B.B.S class, when asked what her biggest achievement was in life till now:
My four kids.

2006-10-03T01:41:00.000+05:00

This post's idea is a total rip off from Saba's blog. I loved the way she had done it so I decided to do it too. Sorta like a meme. Dont hate me.

If I could, then I would…

* * * go traveling. RIGHT NOW. One backpack (maybe two) and lots of cash. All ye who cramp my style, sorry you cant come along.

* * * decide once and for all about Lint. Being so bloody indecisive majorly sucks.

* * * leave my uni. I hate it.

* * * go back to 2002 and try harder for the uni I actually wanted to go to. Or atleast, know the behtri in eventually not being able to get in despite the good grades that I did, infact, get, so that atleast it wont haunt me for the rest of my life.

* * * not know you AT ALL, Dr. too-good-to-be-f***ing-true. From the first hey to the last Ok, talk to you some other time, I would not know you. At all. You might mean well, but man, you have an ego the size of a frikkin elephant.

* * * tell Paeds, Gynae and Medicine Department to go get an enema.

* * * also not have known you. You are fake. And I cant believe I toh-tal-ly fell for it. Wait. I can believe it, I am stupid enough. But seriously, you are number 2 on my list of totally wish you didnt exist.

* * * Make your hurt go away, C.

* * * tell a few people I am unfortunately related to go straight to hell. For all you made my mother go through, I hope you rot long and slow. Godspeed.

* * * Kiss mum's hurt away.

* * * go back a few months and pay more attention to Dazed when we were still talking to each other.

2006-10-03T01:27:00.000+05:00

I know I wont be able to ever come out from underneath your shadow. The least you can do is let me live in peace there.

Did ya hear... 22 is the new 18 :D

2006-09-28T01:19:00.000+05:00

Sigh. I wanna complain about life. Thats what I do most of the time, dont I? But have actually gotten too tired of myself lately. How my sisters and my friends bear me, I have no clue, but Im a little sick of my constant complaining. Ha. Funny haina? Faizo babe gets the credit. She complained enough in one day to make me realize how not-very-fun for the listener it was. So the grinch has been sent off to a corner for some time.

Or maybe its just the festivity of a Coffee chocolate mousse cake that's doing this talking.

Still no clue where the money went. Hope its around here somewhere and not stolen. Cuz then that would be just plain disappointing. I believe in the goodness of people too much.

I made a seperate blog to work as a gratitude journal, but dont feel like posting in it right now. Maybe I will. Some other time. Heard it's very "therapeutic". But for now here's what I am grateful about today:

27. Sep. 2006 (11:37 pm)

1. Sistaz... thank you for the yummy cake, and thank you for knowing chocolate makes me happy. Would be even better if you wouldnt fight with me. Just lemme get away with being right every now and then, wont you :D

2. Mummy... Adorable mum, you are everything I wanna be someday. Thank you for being who you are. I just wish I didn't miss you so much. I miss everyday life with you.

3. Faith... thank you Allah for blessing me with complete absolute faith. Being able to turn to You for every single detail in my life is what Im most grateful about.

P.s:
28th september, 2006. 1:07 am

Some more things to be grateful about:

4. Friends who remember my birthday. My birthday isn't that important to me but when you guys start calling and keep calling till u get through, you make me feel GREAT :D

5. Feb, 2001. You would be there to talk to me 8 am sharp your time zone no matter what. Sep, 2006. You still haven't changed.

6. 2nd Oct 2005. I didn't understand why. Now I do. SubhanAllah, We are the grandest designs of our Lord.

2006-09-26T04:09:00.000+05:00

The countdown has begun. Two more days to turning 22. And somehow, I'm not looking forward to it.

Not the way I looked forward to every birthday from the twelfth to the eighteenth year. Short of shaking pom-poms and doing cartwheels, I did everything I could possibly think of to celebrate growing up. Every year had been different then. I had looked back at a weridly wonderful year spent, and looked forward to the coming one with hope and anticipation. And yet, somehow, for the same exact reason, I'd like to pause and rewind my life a bit before the 22 arives with its full and final glory. I dont wanna turn 22. I try looking back and then I wish I would just frikkin stop with the whole trying to look back business. Because I have nothing, absolutely nothing to show for my last 4 years. My life's been at a stasis since I turned 19. I see no change in myself. Except the ones that are for the worst and nothing to write home about. Instead of growing as a person and an individual, I have apparently reversed and lost great big chunks of myself, chunks that I considered good and pure and simple and worthy. There have been no achievements at any level. I have not improved in anyway. My mental, physical and emotional states have pretty much detoriated. I have nothing to show for the last 4 years of my life. Nothing.

And that is what depresses me about turning 22. Happy Birthday to me!

2006-09-22T19:48:00.000+05:00

Memphis calling me up one day before a major test that we were suppoosed to study for atleast for 2 weeks:

Memphis: Heeeeeeelpppp!
Me: What???
Memphis: Help kardoooo yaar!
Me: Lemme guess. You havent started studying YET for tomorrow and you want to know what topics are important, right?
Memphis: Im still amazed at how you know me so well.
Me: Lol, stop bullshitting. Paper pen lao, ill tell you the topics.

(2 mins spent looking for a pen)

Memphis: Ok, shoot.
Me: Ok, topic 1. Sewage sickness.
Memphis: Crap.
Me: Yeah, it basically means that.
Memphis: No. Crap. My pen just finished.
Me: hahahahahhhh why am I not surprised?

Here comes Bachelor No.1...

2006-09-22T19:27:00.000+05:00

Currently the favourite game at my place is Who can we set Sohnii up with? The participants are my evil sisters and their some-what evil friends. The poor victim is me (and I am not enjoying it, contrary to what you think). The object of the game is to come up with an eligible bachelor, try to sell his idea to me and then attempt to fix the both of us up.

The ideal bachelors line-up has included, till now, their totally delicious, totally good looking, totally narcissistic friend. Rejected on the basis of being a big huge Snob. Next in line was their Chicago-born who had major brownie points for being an eklota bacha. Unfortunately, it turned out to be false information and he was, infact, the middle one in three brothers. So they rejected him too. (Funny that you should think I would be the one to reject a guy since I was being set up. It doesn’t quite work that way with this lot. They choose the guy, they reject him. Just adds to the list, as another one of those things I don’t really understand about them.)

Then their was the Super-nova Wolverine who happens to be pretty cute but shorter than me, and Crazy Mayo who is a friend of mine, cute in a very boy-next-door way but has the weirdest sense of humor this side of the planet. Him, I personally rejected. A girl’s gotta have her laughs proper. And now their nazr-e-karam has shifted to my friend Memphis. Please note my emphasis on the words my friend. That rejection was by me too, simply on the basis of those two very words.

The conclusion is that while they have their daily laughs, picking out guys and dissecting their very fabric of being discussing their personalities, I sit back and think being the youngest in their group isn’t so cool anymore. Like my dad always says, “its your curse. You have to live with it. Sag baash, duktarey/bache khurd na baash.” (Translated from Persian: better a dog then the youngest daughter/son.)

2006-09-19T23:09:00.000+05:00

Sigh. I hate hospitals. Yes, this is coming from someone who is in 4th year of Med-school, just a year and a half shy from graduating. I hate hospitals. Even if they are as nice as AKU.

My friend's dad is sick. He had a stroke. Please people, everyone who reads this, please say a little prayer for him to get better. You might not know my friend, (he's a great dude by the way). You might not know his Dad, (I dont either). But he's someone's dad, someone's husband, someone's family. So please, just pray for him to get better.

2006-09-18T01:07:00.000+05:00

Dad is here. Before I get used to the fact of having him around, he leaves. Two days are never enough.

I sent the email. Now, Im wondering two things.
1. Is that email address still working?
2. Was it stupid of me to send that email?

Something I read in The Garrick Year by Margaret Drabble. I haven't associated with anything so strongly since a very long time.

I find it takes very little time for me to become thoroughly bored. To me life seems to be perpetually on the verge of extinction, and I could bear anything rather than die in a moment of boredom. I feel that I am insulting something when I am bored. I began to miss London: it was not so much that I had many close friends there, for I have few friends, but I missed variety. My tastes are shallow; my life is shallow; and I like anonymity, change and fame. In Hereford I could have none of these things: I was condemned to familiarity, which beyond anything I find hard to mantain with ease.

The farewell made me realize just how much I will miss them. Before this I always thought of them as my sisters' friends. Now I realize that they have been my friends too for the past four years. Maybe not very close friends, not as much a part of my life as my regular group, but nevertheless, still my friends. I'll miss you guys. :(

Saw The Lake House over the weekend. It was a bit confusing to wrap my mind around the whole time glitch technicality thing at first. But I liked the movie. Yes, I did. Like most romantic movies, I loved this one too. Maybe I am too much of a sentimental fool to like all this romanic junk but kiya karein. They fill me with hope. And that's all I need most of the time. So yeah Lake House goes on my I Like list.

I feel good...

2006-09-09T15:05:00.000+05:00

One of the nicest compliments I've ever gotten...

"I like your smile. You smile with all your heart. It says look at me, I'm happy within."

2006-08-30T21:35:00.000+05:00

My baby's back... after two whole months, my baby's back!

Baby being mentioned here is my laptop whose little fan had died on me... so it went to get fixed with some guy my Dad knows... now after two whole months, my baby's back and there is no windows on it, no DOS on it, nothing except a black screen. The Mother-of-all-boards also died on me, apparently. And the page-up button has come off. Sigh! As we speak, Im trying to coax it back to life...

2006-08-30T00:55:00.000+05:00

2006-08-26T19:10:00.000+05:00

The fight for your rights is important even if its for something as small as your space on the bed while someone tries making it.

Im loving it!

2006-08-25T03:39:00.000+05:00

Questionable Content by J. Jacques

2006-08-25T02:43:00.000+05:00

Saw it at Maha's blog... just had to do it :D I tag everyone..

If I were a time of day, I would be... an Autumn eve.
If I were a non-human animal, I would be... a horse lol! Not very graceful I know but I LOVE horses.
If I were a direction, I would be... on a crossroad, pointing in all four directions. Thats how I feel most of the times.
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be... not a piece of furniture. Bilkul bilkul nahi.
If I were a liquid, I would be... pure clean water all the way!
If I were a tool, I would be... a hammer… no wait… a drill… im annoying enuff :D
If I were a kind of weather, I would be... autumn rain!
If I were a mythical creature, I would be... a mermaid :D or a fairy… maybe a mermaid that had fairy magical powers…
If I were a musical instrument, I would be... a guitar.
If I were a color, I would be... a shade of deep red
If I were a sound, I would be... Dido's Here with me...
If I were a movie, I would be... Meet Joe black :D or the epic Romeo n Juliet without the Romeo dyin in the end. I dont really like my men dead.
If I were a food, I would be... fried chillies!
If I were a material, I would be... silk, aur kiya.
If I were a word, I would be... great!
If I were a facial expression, I would be... a grin
If I were a month, I would be... September (autumn is so me!)
If I were a day of the week, I would be... wednesday... pata nahi kiyu... dont ask me why, i duno either.
If I were a planet, I would be... venus
If I were a tree, I would be... umm... a tree?
If I were a flower/plant, I would be... a daissssssssyyy :D
If I were a fruit, I would be... an orange.
If I were an article of clothing, I would be... a sariii.
If I were a Disney character, I would be... sleeping beauty :D she was the prettiest :D
If I were an online abbreviation, I would be... lol!
If I were a hairstyle, I would be... straight, long, lucious locks!
If I were a number, I would be... ah... next question
If I were a kitchen device, I would be... definitely a good sharp knife... lol, maybe a belan... all you who mock me, be wary of the fury of belannnn muah ha ha ah

2006-08-21T22:38:00.000+05:00

My best friend is hurting and I dont know what to do, what to say, how to stop the pain. Im hurting too.

I love you C.

2006-08-19T00:32:00.000+05:00

I dont remember where I heard or read this but for some reason, I've been thinking about it the whole day...

With perfect strangers, people we dont even know, we are courteous and kind. The people we love, however, our family, our friends, the rest of the works... these are the people who get our back lashing, our unkind words, our temper tantrums and our contempt.

Also have been thinking...
House job requires wokin for 36 hrs every other day for most of the one year here in Pakistan. I can hardly keep my eyes open and myself alert after 6-8 hours of college. How the hell will I manage after I graduate? Real world... Im sorry, Im not ready for you yet.

2006-08-18T23:52:00.000+05:00

Lights are out. Its half past five in the morning and the lights went out some 45 minutes ago. Me and moti mao are the only ones up. Its hot. Well, not so much. But there are definitely a lot of mosquitoes that keep biting me. Do they bite? Im not sure. I know they suck blood. What’s the terminology I'm looking for over here? But anyway lights are out and I’m sitting here with nothing better to do except blog. Ive been trying to watch a movie since 3 am. Jennifer Aniston’s Friends with money. Its actually a pretty good one. I love the whole subliminal-deeper-message-touching-reality types. Something that keep me thinking till later on. Been watching Oprah’s 20th anniversary special edition too. Have gotten through two dvds with the help of a lot of tissues. That woman is bent on making me cry every 5 to 10 minutes. Whats with putting all the heart touching stories on the first dvd anyway. And I do like her show.

Its been raining like anything around here. Yesterday when Sana and I were out Chips n kebab shopping, there were mini rivers flowing on the roads outside within a matter of 10 minutes. It was a whole separate ordeal getting to the car then. We proceeded by swapping chappalz, me carrying Sana’s shoes and going barefoot till the car, making my way through the rivers and streams. No I'm not really the hippie type who dances in the rain, jumps in puddles and connects with Mother Nature. I do like dancing in the rain but jumping in puddles is just not me. And as for connecting with Mother Nature, I think I’ve done more than my fair share by letting these blood sucking mosquitoes feast on me. What can I say. Lol, I’m delicious.

So anyway there we were, making our way through river Nile, poor me bare foot, carrying groceries in one hand and Sana’s shoes in the other till we made it to the car. And what do you know. An hour later, her room got flooded by rain water coming through the connecting balcony door and her same precious, previously dry shoes were floating in it and well, not so dry anymore. He he (evil laugh)… I guess Mother Nature really does like me. So that was that for Naz and my best-laid plans. Karachi turned into a giant swimming pool and we decided to call our movie night off. After that I proceeded to eating all the noshes I had bought earlier for the two of us, while watching LOST. Hey if I was watching for two, I had to eat for two as well, nahi?
Now, its getting a little hot and im hoping the lights come back soon. Movie watching and finishing has been postponed till later. I just wanna have a good, non-sticky shut-eye.
Hmmm… other than that, the fact that I disappeared of the scene of blogging and all you lovely people missed me, it had much to do with our Pc modem dying on me, my laptop still with somebody else, going home for an engagement ceremony (not mine, you twits), and just being too plan lazy to actually write something, all in the above order. Hope you guys did all right without me (at least say Sohnii we missed you :D). I shall now have to bid all you lovely people adios. Im sticky and itchy and sleep deprived. But most of all, I'm hot (you know I am **wink wink**) And that my friends is a dangerous combination. So that’s it for today. Enjoy the rain and keep safe.

Motii Mao

2006-07-18T02:36:00.000+05:00

Since my browser still refuses to show me verification boxes and I cant comment on people's blogs anymore, I shall have to resort to lower means... like commenting on people's post via writing my own blog...

So here's to Khizzy who wrote abt pets... :D I have one too, Khizzy, a cat, who is also gay, only its a 'she' and is actually not so much gay, but more of a anti-cat mano billi. She HATES cats. She really actually does. Wonder where she go that from though.

I like being looney at 2 in the night

2006-07-16T01:45:00.000+05:00

At Mrs. R's place....

Mrs. R's dad: Kiya huaaaaaaa
Mrs. R: Aba chakkkaaaaaa marraaaaa
Mrs. R's dad: kis neeeyyyyyy
Mrs. R: Pakistaaaaannnn neyyyyy
(After 5 seconds)
Mrs. R's dad: Kiyaa huaaaaaa.....

And when the kids at her place wouldnt stop torturing the murgha, he ran (flapped?) to the roof and put his head into the loo there and commited suicide.

*****
:)

Janni Bhai's 8 year old cousin: If you wish hard enough, the ice cream van comes.

*****

Baby Titan (when he was 8, maybe 9) scribbled this down for Chicki. (This is something coming from someone who's always had a room that looked like a garage sale):

Ive learnt that just when you get the room the way you like it, Mom makes you clean it up.

*****

2006-07-13T00:07:00.000+05:00

Its my mommyz birthday.... :D

Ok, my browser for some reason is screwed up. It wont show the verification box which means i cant comment on blogs that have this function turned on. So please people, turn it off. I wanna go back to being able to comment on everyone's posts ... pretty please :D

P . S: Sobia you are one brave woman to be holding up your front that way :)

P.P.S : Mahnoor... ur blog has disappeared.... :O

2006-07-12T14:32:00.000+05:00

Aunty H's daughter is a lark. At different instances during our conversation:

Her: My son was really tiny as a baby and I was scared someone would step on him so I wud carry him around all the time. My family gave him a nick name after that.
Mom: what?
Her: they started calling him my mobile.

Her: I didnt tel anyone when I found out I had Gall stones.
Mom: why?
Her: I was hoping they would get lost by themselves.

Da da da....

2006-07-10T15:24:00.000+05:00

World cup's finally over...

Italy won. I am not that sorry, they played an excellent match... they were excellent on the field. Ive little (very very little) know-how of football but man, they were solid and quick. They deserved to win.

Still feel a little bad for Zidane and the career end with the red card but even then his head butt was awesome. And he still won the Golden ball Award...

So here's to Zidane and what the final for me was all about :D...

2006-07-10T01:41:00.000+05:00

Nahiiiii ....

Italy won :(

poor Zizou ...

What Godzilla said to God when his name wasn't found in the Book of Life

2006-07-10T00:45:00.000+05:00

A song title I came across... I have no idea what Godzilla said in case you were wondering...

Watching Fifa Finals:

Zinedine Zidane:

Ok I haven't been in awe of someone (at TV distance ) like this for a very long time. And this was even before I found out he was muslim (which is brownie points for me all the way)

Man, he is sooo amazing...
and seriously, this time not solely based on his looks. His whole attitude on the field is so zabardast... except for the latest red card header obviously. Haye I hope Zizou wins...

Oh and if anyone cares, he is a muslim, his origin being Kabyle from La Castellane, an Algerian Frenchman.

I really hope France wins the penalty shots... (will find out by the time I finish this post)

2006-07-07T21:37:00.000+05:00

Ive waited and waited and waited for something exciting to happen in my life.

Still waiting.

2006-06-25T20:45:00.000+05:00

What Ive been doing lately...

Saw Original Sin...
(yeah, Im slow.. :P ... atleast i got around to it.)

Luis: Christ! You'll be the death for me.
Julia: Oh... I hope so.

Louis: Whore! Liar! Thief! Dont you see? Dont you see that I cannot breath without you? I cannot live without you? Dont you see that? Dont you see how much I love you?

(haye... how sweet... Oh wouldnt it be nice to be loved so much! sigh... i meant by Antonio B :P)

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Saw Xmen 3:

Dr. Jean Grey: You would die for them?
Logan: No not for them... for you.
Dr. Jean Grey: Save me...
Logan: I love you...

(Oh man... Logan is sooooo hot! :D)

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Saw Underworld: Evolution :

(Im disappointed... even tho i love movies involving myth and all, the only thing nice abt this one was Scott Speedman)

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Read Veronika Decides to Die by the guy that wrote The Alchemist... a must read...

2006-06-18T00:58:00.000+05:00

At Amy's place sometime ago:

Amy: So is Lint everything you wanted in a guy?
Me: (thinkin) yeah, i guess...
Amy: So weirdo, why aren't you with him when you know he's crazy about you?
Me: uh..

I didnt know what to tell her. Didnt know how to answer that. So I e-mailed her this song instead. She never asked me that question again.

Everything You Want... Vertical Horizon

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it

Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

2006-06-09T23:03:00.000+05:00

So FIFA WORLD CUP 2006 started today. And Ive been ordered by dady dearest to stay away from the TV till it finishes. For the next few weeks, this place will undergo soccer frenzy while my Dad, brother and sister will obsess about every little move made on the field. And since I find it very easy to get caught up in the hype, you might just find me posting about it every now and then.

Spent the day at Amy's place. That girl is infectious, i swear. She's a train wreck waiting to happen most of the time. But man, is she fun to be with or what. She told me something concerning somebody I care a whole lot about. I was about to TXT my somebody-i-care-about-a-lot and tell her about the little piece of information i had just recieved when i remembered what Dr. A had told me a few days ago.
We had a Muscle Dystrophy patient come in the other day with little chances of survival beyond his teen years (the condition cannot be cured), and I wanted to know if we should find out whether any of his other siblings had the same condition. Why take away somebody's reason to be happy? Let them be, dont tell them anything, when nothing can be done, Dr. A had replied.
So today I did that. I erased the sms I had written and i put the cell back into my purse. I care about her and her being happy way too much... my lips are sealed.

P.s: maybe I'll post about Dr. A someday. The man is dynamic. I havent been blown off my feet like this since I met Dr. Shuro.

p.p.s: Germany won: 4-2. Dad and Baby Titan are discussing the last goal of the game and betting on whether Poland or Ecuador(spl?) will come thru. See what i meant.

2006-06-06T18:33:00.000+05:00

Came across this on someone's profile on orkut while browsing...
(and since this certain someone is a friend's friend, all names will be witheld.... but feel free to laugh if u find it funny :D.... talk about taking things literally... he he how very gross)

Turn-ons: public displays of affection

And while I am on the topic of haw-hawing about what everyone's been upto, we (Spaz and I) saw a girl at a wedding, who Spaz later told me, was a 'total bitch'. Yep, those were her words. I wondered the reason behind them, whether it was cuz Ms. Total Bitch had
a) ruined Spaz's life
b) stolen Spaz's boyfriend
c) not paid back her loan taken from Spaz
d) stolen Spaz's job
e) any combination of the above

So i asked Spaz why Ms. TB was... well, such a Total bitch.

Reason: the woman was wearing loads of vamp -like make up at a mela really late in the night.

And here i was thinking, I was messed up and bloody opinionated.

Every now and then...

2006-06-02T13:09:00.000+05:00

Do you think its weird that 80 % of the smsz I send start with a LOL?

Compliment of the day: You're going to be a good doctor someday. You know how to cheer people up.
*** :D I feel like patch adams already. Oh the little ray of sunshine me. ***

Kate and Leopold: Love is a leap. I was never inspired to jump.

Victor Hugo: The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.

A cure for my blues and the reason for my recent sore thumb: Grand Theft Auto III. All hail the people who made Play station 2. God bless you folks.

To one of my best friends Princess Fuz: I changed. You changed. The amazing part is ‘we’ dint. That is what great friendships are all about. Love ya girl!

Its a little unnerving when you cant tell your best friend about your year old blog, cuz you're scared that she'll read it and figure out things about you (since she happens to be a smartass and knows you the way nobody else does) that even you arent willing to admit to yourself.

Filmy. Very filmy.

2006-06-02T12:55:00.000+05:00

I thrive on drama. So much so that now the pattern of ‘ordinary’ in life scares me. The luke warmness of emotions is terrifying. I asked a friend what are you passionate about? He gave me the usual work and studies reply. No problem. I take that as an answer, just not a very good one.
Yes I have seen too many Indian movies. And read too many romance novels. Listened to a few too many songs. To the point that now a life without a lot of happiness expressed in the loudest manner ever, a life without the deepest sorrow, a life without love that scalds your heart and burns through your soul, a life with no idea about notions like ecstasy, love, passion, hate, anger, bliss, madness.. a life devoid of feelings in their purest and primal form, a life that just consists of days being spanned out to merely fulfill the act of existing… to me, this life doesnt seem a life at all.
Unless you can cry tears that will shake the heavens, and laugh even harder… live, hope and dream in the noisiest and most dramatic way ever…. Unless you dont do that, how will you ever know you really lived?

To belong or not to belong...

2006-06-02T12:49:00.000+05:00

For the first time in 21 years and 8 months of my life, I feel like an outsider in my own city. I dont understand why people here think the way they do. Im past the point of being able to comprehend their reasoning. I feel like I am being judged and scrutinized. I make others uncomfortable with all that I say and all that I do. And now, I am starting to make myself uncomfortable as well. For the first time in my life, I feel like I dont belong here anymore.

Muah ha ha

2006-05-24T19:46:00.000+05:00

Ratigan: Oh, I love it when I'm nasty.

The Great Mouse Detective

Musing (abusing)...

2006-05-24T18:18:00.000+05:00

The funny thing about quetta… not the funny Oh my god, that's so funny, I think I gave myself a heart attack from laughing so much, but the other funny Oh my god, am I really from this God forsaken place funny… so anyway, the funny thing about quetta is that this city is so frikkin small that its like high school all over again. You go out with somebody, you break up and you start going out with someone else. Chances are the next someone else is the previous someone else's best friend. Then you break up with the second someone else and start dating a third person, who turns out to be a cousin of the second someone else. Yep, that's how far you get to go, that's how big this city really is.
All I gotta say is, Thank God for our parents, who we are still scared shit off. We never got around to doin the dating scene when we were still in quetta. Sort of makes me feel better to know that my potential/non-existent boyfriend hasnt already dated half of this city.

2006-05-17T20:46:00.000+05:00

Currently, my fave song: Ek nazar mey bhi pyaar hota hai…

Been watching: Scent of a woman… WHoo ha!

Xena, the warrior princess, and Dr. K getting married… how very weird. Truly peculiar.

Droopy’s sister S got married. Her mamoo called from KL and cried his eyes out on the phone. I dont think it was the marriage or losing S part he was crying about. It was probably the realization of the amount of time gone by that hit him. Funny how we need speed breakers like that to make us stop and breathe.

I think beauty is wasted on some people if they dont have anything else to show for it. Have I said that before? i have right? just goes to show how very strongly i believe in it.

Tried and tested: to avoid getting constipated due to change in diet and water, eat lots of achaar. An upset stomach is just a small insignificant consequence. Can be easily ignored. At least you arent constipated anymore.

I desperately hold on to the faith that life doesnt need to be this hard. That happiness is a choice.

Temping!

2006-05-17T16:31:00.000+05:00

Have you heard?
Im temping.

I was motivated. With all the recent hype in our class about who is doing what, with whom and where (Im talking about electives/internships, you sickos :P), I thought why not put my hols to a 'good' use as well. It will be some extra credit (that I have no idea will be helpful in any way later on, or not). Most importantly, it will make my parents happy.

Happy parents = Satisfied parents = no daily queries about whether I am studying or not = 6 weeks of no comments about how I shouldn't be wasting my time = happy me.

Yes, we all have ulterior motives. Spending six uneventful weeks at home with everyone in a good mood seems to be mine.

So a week ago, I put my grand plan into action and set foot into the world of crying children, pooping babies and smelly wards. I started working in the Paeds Department.

Safo says she loves doing her electives at UPenn. She's having the time of her life, she's made new friends and she's trying to experience the place on her own too. She even got lost once recently when she set out to sightsee.

Hmm… funny how things aren't very different at my side either. I did lots of getting lost too... In fact, I lose my way all the time. In the hospital hallways, in its grounds, in its parking lot. So you can imagine all the fun Im having. If you're there and happen to see a girl in a white coat, carrying a purse and a journal, walking straight ahead, gaze fixed on the ground, come say hi to me.
You might also see a man running after me, saying, Baji baji, where are you going? The OPD is the other way.
That's my dad's driver. Say hi to him too. He loves the attention. :D
The gaze down and fixed is a rule, by the way. Self-inflicted, I might add. Have you ever been to quetta? You'd understand if you had.

Yeah, so like Safo, I've made friends too. There's Akhtar, my dad's peon. He's a total sweetheart, bent on converting me, a no-tea person, into a tea-oholic by the time I go back to Karachi. Then there are the Consultants I am working with, Dr. A and Dr. B. Under-paid, over-worked, good souls. And of course, the male House Officers; how could I forget them. They make it a point to stare. A lot. I mean, seriously dudes, that's so last century. And the attendants who come with the kids. The female lot mistakes me for a doctor and showers me with smiles and admiration. The male lot mistakes me for a doctor and turns their back on me, pointedly ignoring my presence, while talking to the consultants.
Yeah, these are my friends. See, one big happy family.

Of course being mistaken for a doctor isnt always this fun or comfortable. A lot of patients come up asking for directions. I told one woman that I didnt know the way either. She gave me a really evil look (all residents of our dear city will know what Im talking about. Our qta-women can make your skin curl and convert you into sputtering pile of putty with that look if you arent careful. You’ll wish you were dead and six feet under already.)
So now with all direction-seekers, I pretend to not know their language. It makes things so much easier.

And then there were some people who mistook me for a doctor, came up to me and asked me for lots more then just directions. What was my reaction, you ask?
A sputtering pile of putty.
I blushed, I stammered, and then I picked up my jaw from where it had fallen on the ground and tried making a cool exit. (These are the perves, I warn you. Steer clear, steer clear.)
Yeah, so that was that. I dont think I’ll be living down this one anytime soon.

Oh, but then it comes to the kids.
And Im it...
I dont need any convincing. Just when you think you've had enough with screaming babies, weird parents, noisy families, a mother will bring in her year old baby, who was born pre-mature at 7 months, has low immunity, and is currently suffering from a chest infection and fever. And also, that baby happens to have the widest, biggest, most beautiful smile that you've seen in the whole day. He goo-gaas at you, slobbers on your hand while you examine him and apparently doesnt know what crying is. Or an 8 year old girl will come in, who looks like a pixie, smiles at you from behind her elder sister and collapses into fits of giggles when the doctor tries examining her stomach. Or the 6 year old boy with big eyes, who comes in straight from school, still in his uniform, too sleepy to sit straight on the stool. Even when they are sick, these kids warm your heart and touch your soul.

On your way home then, despite all the perves, and the weirdos, and the intolerable family members, your find yourself thinking, yeah, today was a good day.

My two cents' worth

2006-04-03T23:42:00.000+05:00

I will hurl if I ever hear a guy call one of his friends janu, jaan (or anything similar) again...
When we ladies say stuff like that, we look cute.
When you guys say it, you sound gay.
So quit it.

In other headlines, too much wedding talk. Uff... way too much wedding talk. A friend is getting nikah-fied soon. Is ecstatic. Whoopdeedoo. I am happy for her, I really am, she is an excellent friend of mine but excuse me if I dont feel like getting hitched ASAP or like in the next thirty years or so. Another friend that has already married a couple of months ago is a constant billboard for wedding bliss, an eye sore for a cynic like me. Yet another friend is getting engaged in the summer to her cousin. She is too far away to hit or curse with any effective results.
So there.
Im in an extra-nauseous mood nowadays so if there is any more talk of weddings or happily-ever-afters around me again, I will hurl. I repeat, I will huff and puff and HURL. Disgusted yet? Lets move on.

I think the actual trouble is liking someone. Im not talking about love or lust or all the other boring lyrical flowery yada yadas. Im talking about genuine appreciation for someone. Like Sarah JP put it in Ellen's show:
In the long run, you gotta like em. All the other stuff is in a moment that goes away.

I totally agree with you female, even though you remind me a little too much of my youngest aunt, which makes me want to change the channel everytime I see you... but nevertheless you are absolutely right. I think, no wait, I know... I know you have to appreciate somebody, appreciate all that they are about, like them for who they are to be able to bear them, tolerate them, compromise for them and to be able to love them in the long run.

Im sorry if I look/sound like such a deer-caught-in-the-headlights cynic when it comes to the marriage deal but even though, at a few rare lose-ur-mind-and-watch-it-melt-away instances I have imagined myself to be in love, now I dont think it was worth the effort. I never began with liking the person for who he was, it was flattering to be liked/loved and from thereon, for short delusionary periods I imagined myself to be in love. But now, in complete sanity, I'll tell you I was not. In love, that is. The delusional part Im not commenting on.

So yes. I will convert from my reject-all-things-called-marriage way of life.
Dont fret Mum, I will. One day.
When and if I meet someone, I can totally and honestly appreciate. Appreciate him for his mind, his brilliance (if he has any), his visions, his character, his honesty and his genuinness (is that even a word??... but you get the zist dont you)
Once there is the appreciation, there will be respect and eventually, hopefully, perhaps with time, there may even be love.

Till then, singledome is not so bad after all :D

P.s: Came across one of Aisha's latest posts, The overseas marriage thing, and even though it has nothing in relevance to my insane midnight ramblings, I thought it was a really good read.

Bored with existence

2006-04-03T23:21:00.000+05:00

I dont know how my hours are spent. Everyday slips into the next, eventless and vague. I cant recall anything I did yesterday or the day before or a week ago. I find myself hypnotized and stupefied by the TV noise and the colours are a blur. The calendar shows me a stretch of days, a stretch of time with repeated movement that constitute of feeding myself and sleeping. Bored with existence.

I stare at the screen, waiting for it to light up. A part of me believes you miss me but I wonder who will break first. You or me? The thought of showing my weakness in front of you is the only thing that is keeping me from dialling your number. My ego wont allow me that luxury. How long will your resolve last? I stare at the screen and wonder.

When I had convinced myself of your insignificance and bolted all doors in your face, all it took was a simple reference of ‘aap’ to remind me of you.

To Dazed, with love: Some days, I could just wring your neck and walk away.

A year. 12 months. Seems centuries ago. Sees like happened to somebody else. All that remains is a dull ache. Like a forgotten ailment, that hurts every once in a while to remind you of its existence. Pulsates in the background. Instead stands a gaping hole. 12 months and counting.

And then I saw you...

2006-03-13T03:02:00.000+05:00

I dream. A lot.
Literally, figuratively, metaphorically… in all ways that one can dream. My actual dreams are turning into nightmares. Into actual nightmares. I wake up sweating, trying to shake their vividness off. If I was scared before, I am terrified now. I dont think I'll ever be able to trust
again.

On to brighter topics..

You know how you go to some blogs and they've posted poetry and song lyrics and stuff like that, and you skip all of it.
Well... dont do it now.
I know I post a lot of songs.
I know it gets boring every now and then.
But seriously... this song, dont skip it.

Pat green… Wave on wave

Mile upon mile got no direction,
We're all playin the same game.
We're all looking for redemption,
Just afraid to say the name.

So caught up now in pretending,
That what we're seekin is the truth.
Im just looking for a happy ending,
All Im looking for is you.

You came upon me wave on wave
You're the reason I'm still here, yeah
Am I the one you were sent to save?
You came upon me wave on wave.

I wandered out into the water,
And I thought that I might drown
I dunno what I was after,
I just know I was goin down.

Thats when she found me
Im not afraid anymore
She said “You know I always had ya baby
Just waitin for you to find what you were looking for.”

You came upon me wave on wave
You're the reason I'm still here.
Am I the one you were sent to save
When you came upon me wave on wave.

Wave on wave
Wave on wave

The clouds broke and the angels cried
You aint gotta walk alone
Thats why he put me in your way
And you came upon me wave on wave.

And you came upon me wave on wave
You're the reason I'm still here.
Am I the one you were sent to save
When you came upon me wave on wave.

Bucky Covington performed it in last week's show...
Excellent excellent excellent... Im speechless...
So this is a tribute to him, to his amazing voice, to the double cute-ness (the Buck n Rock of it :D)...
oh and to Chicki... who is crazy about him....:D

Yes I have a lot of farigh time...

2006-03-13T01:07:00.000+05:00

American Idol... the programme is entertaining... the aftermath isnt.

The stupid music company, Im guessing he signed up with Clive, have managed to turn him into a sugary pop princess...
Sob...
My Bo...
...who managed to make it to the top 2 last year
...who sang the hell out of Vehicle, For the love of money, I cant get no satisfaction and Sweet Home Alabama...

They took the King of Rock and turned him into Britney Spears... sob....

Lets hope his next album is more him...

Meanwhile...

Im rooting for Chris Daughtry in the hots department.

He is so much better then Vin Diesel. Please stop comparing them...

And oh boy, can he sing :D

For everyone who thinks Taylor isnt cute.... need I say more?? he he...

Sundays are slow and Mondays are blue

2006-03-06T23:13:00.000+05:00

Ace is hot. But Chris is hotter. No no… hottest ive decided. Right up there with Eric Bana, a little below Bo Bice. Bo Bice toh is Maha hot! :D And he came on the show this week, the night the boys sang. Was in the audience. And they only showed him once. I mean, he did make it to the finals and he ALMOST won last year didnt he. They could at least ask him to say something or at least they couldve showed him more than once.

I have decided that Im going to obsess freakishly about American Idol whether anyone likes it or not. Till May at least, when they will tell all us sad obsessed stalker lot who won. Then as always, I wont bother finding out if the winner actually got around to making an album. That reminds me, Bo Bice’s new album needs to go on my MUST HAVE list.

Something else on my MUST HAVE list is a digital camera. Yes Im still in the dark ages, I dont have a digi-cam. So now I want one. Very very very bad. The new Sony Cybershot. The thin sleek model. My hands start itching every time I see one. Anyone out there who happens to be in lurve with me and who also happens to be filthy rich (the mysterious ways of fate… Ive a rule about never questioning them)… please get me that camera. I promise to love u back forever and ever and ever. Or at least I'll pretend I do while you can promise you wont know the difference. Illusions are better then the truth sometimes. What you dont know wont hurt you, you know.

A friend of mine made my day yesterday. What would've otherwise been an extremely boring Sunday was just boring, because I spent a hour and a half in the afternoon chatting with her. It is strangely fun and liberating being able to laugh on nothing in particular. And babe, when you call me Churail, I know you're just suffering from an inferiority complex cuz Im so fab... muah ha ha ha!!!! (evil laugh in case you dint know)

Ooh Oohhhh and I finally finally finished A million little pieces by James Frey. An incredibly easy read. Loved the way he wrote it. Its funny how he came on Oprah's show a few months back, how she did her usual the whole the book was so good, I couldn't put it down act and how a few months later she was all huffy puffy and upset cuz some of the stuff he had written was fabricated. Well, fact or fiction, whatever you wanna call it, the book is good. It is well-written and it is interesting.

Some excerpts from it are :

I want to run or die or get fucked up. I want to be blind and dumb and have no heart. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. I want to wipe my existence straight off the map. Straight of the fucking map.

I took a lot of punches for that bull shit, and every time I threw a punch back, and I threw one back every single time, I threw it back for her. I threw it back as hard as I fucking could and I threw it back for her.

And now for my very fave part, where I leave you with the song of the week…
this is Everything by Alannis Morrisette..
cheerios all you lovely folks... Ta!

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone
As negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I'm the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
As positive as I am sometimes

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive agressiveness can be devistating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone who's closed down as I am sometimes

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I am the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here
And you're still here
And you're still here

Been reading

2006-03-05T21:49:00.000+05:00

The Young man came to the Old man seeking counsel.
I broke something, Old Man.
How badly is it broken?
It's in a million little pieces.
I'm afraid I cant help you.
Why?
Theres nothing you can do.
Why?
It can't be fixed.
Why?
It's broken beyond repair. Its in a million little pieces.
- A million little pieces by James Frey

2006-03-03T00:50:00.000+05:00

01. 03. 2006

11:00 pm
In bed. Dog tired. Very proud of myself for making an attempt to correct my sleeping habits.

11:10 pm
Intercom rings.
Table seems a million miles away. Cant get up. Dont wanna get up. Dont get up.

11:15 pm
Sms beep. Ann tells me not to worry.

11:20 pm
Intercom again.
Nope. Still not getting up.

11:39 pm
Sms beep. Dazed thinks im rude. An acronym he made up which is actually pretty sweet in its context compared to the word itself.

11:48 pm
Sms beep.
Message memory almost full. Delete old messages. Takes me 2 minutes. Back to new sms. Shanz discusses a mutual friend's father's death.
Depressing topic. I feel like crying again.

11:53 pm
Sms beep. Memphis says basant is on Sunday and am I still mad at him?

11:59 pm
Sms beep. Memphis again.
Yeah M, I'll mark your proxy. Go away now. Shoo shoo...

12:06 am
Sms beep. Lint is annoyed at me. Says mean stuff.
I delete the sms. Sorry dude, too frikkin late in the night to deal with emotional baggage.

12:15 am
Intercom rings. Cousin enters room in an attempt to pick it up. Said cousin lives downstairs. Said call is also from downstairs. Said writer thinks her family goes mad after 10 pm.

12:20 am
Intercom again.

*sigh* *curse* *mutter*
Yeah?
Aunt wants to know if I was sleeping.

12:25 am
Intercom rings.
Should I ignore it?
Grand mum wants to know which upstairs door is open.
Get out of bed and check all doors. No door is open.

12:32 am
Sms beep. Memphis is eternally grateful. Apparently my proxy-marking ability has him bound and loyal to me for as long as he lives.
Wonder if he'll feel any pain if I strangle him with his kite string.

12:34 am
Beep beep. IB wants to know if Im sleeping.
Almost tempted to say yes I am, I have this amazing power of answering messages without actually haing to wake up. How cool is that, right.

12:36 am
Sms beep. Sum asks about tomorrow's strike status. Will anyone burn our bus if we go on that field trip.
That idea seem very pleasant in my current state of sanity (insanity?)

12:40 am
Beep beep. Another sms.
Ib thinks I need some excitement in my life.

12:45 am
Awful headache. Cant think straight. Panadol zindabad.

01:00 am
Out of bed. Lights on. Headache has turned into a full raging migraine. The whole irani circus is running around and jumping on my nerves.
Silently contemplate a digging site in my room, where I could murder my cell phone and intercom and give them a proper burial.

And just this afternoon, I thought life was boring.

p.s: to anyone who says why dont I turn my cell phone off, im in perpetual fear of missing out on some life altering news in case I turn my mobile off.
Yes, im mad, I know.
Unfortunately in my case, its a full 24 hour affair instead of the familial after 10 deal.

2006-02-26T20:16:00.000+05:00

I first saw you a few years ago, and thought you were oh-so-good-looking and fine…
I waited for something else to appear.
A wicked sense of humor maybe...
kick-ass attitude...
originality...
amiability...
or a little character perhaps… ???
anything that could support your physical perfection…

So I waited..
And waited..
And waited…

I cant believe that **this**is all there is to you…
I cant believe how disappointed I am…
oh well..

The good, the bad and the ugly

2006-02-22T22:06:00.000+05:00

2:00 am: Passing through Clifton:

I love these streets. Wide and wonderfully lit.
And there on the sidewalks, I saw people settling down into corners, getting ready to sleep. Torn worn-out clothes, unshaven faces, just a thin chaddar to cover themselves with through the night. These were the bad lot.

I looked at them and pitied their life. They chose to live on these streets, sleep on the ground, go hungry for days and all that for what? The momentary high that a needle prick provided? What a waste of life.

(Im told I suffer from a mental condition where I think too much.) Then I thought about the rest of us who had gotten it right. It being the concept, the logic, the gist of life. Were we any happier? Like rats in a maze, who keep running into the same corner again and again, or like the mouse running in the same spot in the small rudder who is made to believe what he is doing is essential for existence. Werent our lives much more empty and meaningless at times, with not even the solace of the same needle prick to look forward to? At least their high, when it came, was complete and perfect. Could we say the same for our elation?

Someone very close to me was (is?) into drugs… we were talking about it and I implied that its not something one should get involved in, yeh achey logo key karney key kaam nahi hain. He looked at me and said, does it change who I am? Does it make me a bad person then?

To date I havent been able to answer that.

Had this person not been an important part of my life, I wouldve promptly replied, yes it makes you a bad person. There’s a black area and a white area, the right and the wrong and you just crossed the line between it. So yes, that makes you a very very bad person. However knowing this person made all the difference. I dont think he is a bad person, havent ever thought that for a single minute. I guess feelings do that, make you biased to the faults of the people you love. To someone else he might be a junkie, an addict, a good-for-nothing but to me he is a friend who messed up somewhere along the way. A friend who's a vegetable under external influences most of the time, is nevertheless way better than someone who cant hold anything except his sick mind and perverted ways of thinking responsible for his actions.

This discussion made me wonder some more. So I was a good girl for not going near drugs. He did drugs but I didnt think him the true bad.

Question was… if a junkie didnt make it into this clique, who did?
If drugs dont make a person bad, then what does?

2006-02-19T18:29:00.000+05:00

Word cloud... Saw this over at Casa's blog and thought of doing it too...:D

2006-02-17T14:14:00.000+05:00

Ace Young.... chicas feast your eyes.... (haye, he doesnt compare to Bo.... but he's hot!!!! :D).... and so continues the American Idol madness....

2006-02-17T14:11:00.000+05:00

Taylor Hicks.... (awww.... cutey shmootey...:D)

Reality TV and me :D

2006-02-17T13:40:00.000+05:00

Last night was one of the very few times in my life Ive been insomniac so now I have insomnia-induced endorphins running around and jumping off the walls... Soooooo I decided to grace you with another post... two posts in 24 hours... count yourself lucky... muahaaahaahaha....
(its the endorphins talking... i swear... :/)

Ive decided that Taylor Hicks is the cutest thing to hit TV with this years's American Idol. Ofcourse, Ace is the hottest, but we're talking about cute... so Taylor Hicks it is :D.... two reasons....
a. He reminds me of George Clooney
b. He is just SO adorable, george clooney or not!!! :D

So until further notice, he is my fave contestant for this year, and I repeat, Ace Young (really) is the hottest...

p.s: I wish they'd call Bo Bice on the show to judge or better yet, sing this year... that'll be IT for me :D

Hell is empty. All the devils are here...

2006-02-17T03:36:00.000+05:00

10:36 pm
Today is another one of those days where I have SO much to say but here I am, the blogger page open since the last 15 minutes, and I have NO idea what to write.

Much later:

I remember reading somewhere once that app logo k aibo pey parda dalo, Allah ap key aibon pey parda dalein gey (Hide other people's flaws from the world, and Allah will hide your flaws from the world too).

I have my usual bitching sessions every now and then, consequences of being a human, but being the daughter of a mother who breathes and lives her morals and principles, I have more than my usual fair share of ethic-attacks on my poor little conscience.
Especially nowadays, im so majorly sick and annoyed of people slaggin each other off.
PLEASE! STOP ALREADY! If you hadnt noticed im so NOT interested.
Im sick and Im tired of your rantings about how evil he/she really is, how much they suck, and about how you are way better then them. I mean seriously, please stop talking already. If I really wanted to sit and nit-pick their flaws with you, I wouldn't be looking so constipated with my fake half-smile now would I? All you're managing to achieve with this tirade of yours is ruining your own image in front of me. So please, just go away, leave me alone.

And on a completely different note, the song for today is The scientist by Cold play:

Come up to meet you, tell you Im sorry
You dont know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start

Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart
Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
Im going back to the start

2006-02-10T17:21:00.000+05:00

Note to self:

When we talked about the whole burning the ships behind you thing, I also meant the little life boat you keep for every now and then.

The Quartet Meme

2006-02-09T18:39:00.000+05:00

Aisha insists (or so id like to think :D) to wake me from my slumber...

Four Jobs I've Had in My Life...
1. Baby Titan's tutor from grade 3 to grade 8.
And thats about it. Now that i think about it, i wasnt even paid for it, except for the usual Awwwwwww... but he's your brotherrrrrrr........

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over, and Have...
1. Meet Joe Black (what do u mean why?? Two words: Brad Pitt)
2. Romeo n Juliet
3. Dil Chahta hai
4. Little Women

Four Places I Have Lived
1. Quetta
2. Karachi (and that's it... )

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch
1. Friends
2. Gilmore Girls
3. Desperate Housewives
4. Lost

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation
1. France
2. Italy
3. England
4. Srilanka

Four Books I Love
1. Little women
2. Pride and Prejudice
3. Life isn't all ha hee hee
4. Parsa

Four Websites I Visit Daily
1. Blog line up
2. Hotmail
3. Orkut
4. Msn groups

Four Favorite Foods
1. Pizza/ Burger n fries
2. Haleem
3. Fried Chilli (the way aayi makes them)
4. Fish n chips

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now
1. B-Adams concert (long story.. Sigh)
2. Somewhere on a nice beach
3. Paris
4. Home (with mum)

Four People Whom I Tag Next
1. Zuljin (I highly doubt he'll get around to doing it tho)
2. Sum
3. Tooth paste
4. Mahnoor

Sleep deprived and caffeine-driven inanity…

2006-01-22T22:40:00.000+05:00

…I like who you are. But I hate sharing. The extent of your phone book scares me.

…If you could have a small stone for every time you miss me, the egoistic and self-centered part of me wants you to have enough to be able to cause some serious damage.

…I wont allow my life to be a compromise. Ever.

…Why do they kill the cute guy in the end of the movie? Four brothers was good otherwise.

…No Poogle, I dont know what is wrong with me. I wish I did. I want this more than anything else. But I cant help it.

…Memories. Funny things. How much of them is actually real and how much of it do we idolize and blow up to be all pretty and perfect?

…The memory of him seems perfect. Untarnished. The first. The beginning. I dont want him to come back in my life. The memory would lose its perfection then.

…Im still using dial-up internet. Yes, shoot me now. Hanging would be fine too. So to all the people I disappear on while chatting, Im sorry…. Please dont hate me. Its my screwed up net connection.

…I stared at the floor, willing it to split open and swallow me. I wished I could crawl into some dark hole and disappear. I would never come out. Ever. Didnt find a hole big enough. Instead, made my way through a meal and tried to smile while eating kheer. Oh well.

…I dont think the truth sets you free. I think it weighs you down, cripples you. Do we really need to know the truth each and every time?? Atleast what you dont know wont hurt you.

…And the song for today is Calling all angels by Train. Go listen to it. Seriously. Jao!

I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
Cuz I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And Im calling all angels
And Im calling all you angels

And I wont give up if you dont give up
I wont give up if you dont give up

I wont give up if you dont give up
I wont give up if you dont give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here
Cuz my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And Im calling all angels
And Im calling all you angels

When children have to play inside so they dont disappear
While private eyes solve marriage lies cause we dont talk for years
And football teams are kissing Queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours

And Im calling all angels
And Im calling all you angels

And I wont give up if you dont give up
I wont give up if you dont give up

I wont give up if you dont give up
I wont give up if you dont give up

Im calling all angels
Im calling all you angels

2006-01-18T02:31:00.000+05:00

Find of the week #1: FNKasia!
Totally bohemian!
Totally adorable!
A little pricey like all good things are
But oh-so-worth it!!

Find of the week #2: Zindagi mey by Mehdi Hassan (live version)
Haye! makes my heart go skipping beats :D
One song that can sit in my ipod for as long as it likes!

Find of the week #3: A new friend I get along with fabulously!
You make me smile, snort and laugh! :D

On with the funeral. Im ready for the burial...

2006-01-10T19:21:00.000+05:00

Its funny how acceptance and patience doesnt come in one large dose. It takes so fuckin long.

I looked at her, at them, at their life. My gaze wandered to all the pretty little bright lights surrounding the mirror and the first thought that crossed my mind was I dont want to be her, I dont want any of what she has and I dont want any of this.

“You know what,” I turned back to her, “Im very very happy for you.”

And this time the smile wasnt the one I had been practicing the whole day. For a change, it was real and my statement was an honest one. So I hugged her good night and made my way home, feeling for the first time in months that a burden had finally been lifted from my shoulders. I was finally free.

I was happy being who I am the best. I was happy being me.

2006-01-10T19:19:00.000+05:00

All it took was hearing a single word to make me come undone. A single word to remind me, to make me remember. A single word to bring out my insecurities in their glaring technicolor festivity. A single word to wake up the insomniac cynic in me who had finally taken a moment's rest.

A single word.

Funny how I never thought speech was powerful in that way.

2006-01-09T19:55:00.000+05:00

Aaahhh!!!!

Bryan Adams is coming to Karachi!!!

Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!

For everyone who thinks Im going crazy, please click the small red button on the top right hand side of this page and GO AWAY, I dont like you too much either!!!!

While growing up, I heard a combination of everything, from my Uncle's latest bollywood music collection to Ami's oldies goldies to sisters' mix of everythin English. I grew to like some, dis some, and just grew out of some.

But Bryan adams was it for me. Something I dint grow out of, something I never forgot the words to, something Ive always always loved.

So before he grows old and dies, or I bite the dust, someone PLEASE tell me the details about his present tour. Im desperate!

Grrrr....Excuse me if Im feeling a little homicidal right now!!

2006-01-09T19:11:00.000+05:00

October 2005

Fouzia: 4 yrs
Imran: 28 yrs

Imran is Fouzia's brother in law. He had no kids of his own so he begged his Mother in law to let him adopt Fauzia. She agreed and he brought her home. One day when his wife had gone somewhere, he raped Fouzia. So brutally that the doctors had to remove her uterus when she was taken to the hospital. The baby's uterus was removed. She had cigarette burns all over her body and a few of her bones were broken.

His excuse: I wanted to have sex with her. I couldnt control myself.

2006-01-08T03:31:00.000+05:00

I wish people would quit discussing weddings and marriages with me... i cant stomach the idea anymore.

Though i love you poogle for thinking I wud make an-oh-so-lovely bride... (yes Im that shallow :D)

2006-01-07T21:15:00.000+05:00

Oh and did I mention the two look exactly alike!!!! But she is just so adorable!! :D i wuv kids....

2006-01-07T21:09:00.000+05:00

And this is baby Alli's older brother....was my fave cousin till Alli gave him a run for his money

2006-01-07T21:07:00.000+05:00

My candy-licious cutey pie cousin Aleena... she is even more adorable in real life (trust me :D)... seriously M, how can you not love kids if they are so cute!!!!

2006-01-01T15:53:00.000+05:00

If you try real hard and squint your eyes long enough, you might just see the face I drew on the car windshield in the earliest hours of the snow fall.... How i love snow! :D

2006-01-01T15:29:00.000+05:00

I could start by saying my year went crap. I could list everything that went wrong. I could tell you all about the who-did-what.
I could.
But lets not.
Not today. Lets make today an exception. Why? Cuz I get a chance to start over. Clean slate. So lets not talk about all that today.

It started snowing around 9 in the night. That's what I love about this place. It has the most exquisite autumns and winters. And what other city will give you snow exact on new year's eve :D I couldn't think of a better way to start my new year.

For a change, instead of counting all the people who weren't all that nice to me, ill send out my thanks to all the people who did make my year.

Ami, Dad… I love you two.
Sana, Chicki… (im speechless) muah!!! Kisses for both of you.
Baby Titan… im glad you're makin it through
Sush… 6 years and counting, you still know where Im comin from :D
Zuljin... you make me scream and laugh at the time...who else could do that?!!!
Qta-ites… all my friends back home… thank you for always always welcoming me with open hearts, huge smiles and lots of food
Me elite khi posse… my guy-hating-awkward girls who are intimidated by my sisters, my ward groupies, my angst aunts and uncles, my free of charge taxies and hotels, my drivers and mighty-moes… you’re the reason I made it through another year in this university
Bobo jaan, Khalo and the rest of the khi family… thank you for making me feel as if I'd lived my whole life in khi
Blog-mates… :D you give me something to look forward to whenever I come online. Its nice knowing you people.

Now for my new year resolutions, I found the perfect way to put them into words:

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing

That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if lost sanity

That I would be good
Whether with or without you

(Alanis Morrisette
That I would be good)

2005-12-31T22:25:00.000+05:00

This one's for you Aisha: Bo Bice (runner up in American Idol 2005) the most adorable guy ever.

2005-12-31T21:53:00.000+05:00

Dont you ever just miss anybody?

I love the randomness of I just thought of you and was missing you so I thought Id call / sms / visit…

Happy New Year ppl!!!

2005-12-31T20:57:00.000+05:00

I saw this Meme over at Aisha's and since there was an open invitation and I had loadsa free time, i did it too... :D

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Went to islamabad and stayed with my best friend for the weekend.
Yep, im 21 and this is the first time in my life ive stayed over at a friend's place, with no family around. What can I say, my parents arent really all that into the Independence for girls club.(my dad was in the isloo too for a meeting staying in a hotel...does that count???)

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I wanted to lose a lot of weight (ha ha, who doesnt!)… I only lost a little weight (not enough to satisfy me)
I wanted to exercise lots… I didnt get around to having a proper exercise routine.
I wanted to work really hard at studies again… I was too lazy a bum to study as hard as I had planned.
Yep! I will definitely make some for next year, im really good at procrastinating.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My uncle had a baby daughter. I cant remember anyone else.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, Shukar Alhamdulilah. No one did. I still have nightmares about 2003 when both my grand dads died within two months of each other.

5. What countries did you visit?
None!! (Afsos)

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
A little more determination and discipline to carry my plans through.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I dont signify dates that much

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Passing second year, getting into third year and hopefully passing this year too…

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hm… I dont really keep my sight on that area.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing that I havent had before.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Lap top!!!
Ipod!
Some kick-ass shoes! (Haye how i love shoes)
Lovely lush clothes!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine! :D I tried being a good person (God knows how damn hard it was ha ha)…
seriously though my sisters and friends for putting up with me and my awful mood swings as patiently as they do.
And Memphis for being my personal driver whenever i needed him, with no complaints or the usual guy-bullshit.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A really close friend's.

14.Where did most of your money go?
Jazz cards!
I pod!
Gifts for people! (I am not complaining, mind you!)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Islamabad.
Getting my laptop.
Getting my I pod.
My sister's wedding (lol, dont ask… she isnt engaged yet and there are no signs of that happening for the next 1.5 or 2 yrs… but you can get excited about stuff like this cant you :D)

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Hm… Kajra rey… L dancing in the common room to it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Neither I guess
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner
c) richer or poorer? Tab bhi kangaal they, ab bhi kangaal hain (ill answer this when I start earning… lol, collected pocket money doesnt account for richer or poorer)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercising and studying

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Same as Aisha: telling myself I'll get to it tomorrow.
Depending on other people for my happiness.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Already spent it watching movies at home.

21. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Nope. (Does Bo Bice or Zain count?)

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Lahaasil and Terey janey key baad.
Gilmore Girls.
Lost.
Desperate Housewives.
American idol.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope.

25. What was the best book you read?
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Aabida parveen!

27. What did you want and get?
A laptop!

28. What did you want and not get?
A sony cyber-shot (yep, im that materialistic)

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Pillow talk.
The Hours.
Wicker Park.
(they are old movies, I saw them this yr)

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 21!
Bunked uni and spent the day at home… lol, that is a luxury, trust me.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I had actually stuck to my resolutions… (Dayam!)

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Lol, no concept whatsoever. I just went along with what my tailor told me.

33. What kept you sane?
TV. It kept my mind off a lotta things I would've gone crazy thinking about.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Bo Bice!!!!!

35. Who did you miss?
B.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Abid… my best friend’s friend. Really nice guy.
Naz and safo, Mo and Memphis. I met them before but got to **really** know them this year.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
Do not trust people too much with your happiness! Wait thats an old life lesson. Nothin new.

38. What political issue irked you the most?
Huh??? (I don’t know anything about politics or the people involved). No comments

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
On a different day
If I was safe in my own skin
Then I wouldn't feel lost and so frightened
But this is today
And I'm lost in my own skin
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
I just want to feel
Safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again.
- Dido

I tag everyone!!! anyone who feels like doing it! Tell me if u do. id like to read.

Happpyyyyyyyyyy New Year! To new beginings. :D

Sometimes I guess there just arent enough rocks

2005-12-24T12:30:00.000+05:00

Bless the human mind for remembering. Bless it more for being able to forget, wiping some events off the memory slates, as if they had never happened. Then all that is left are slight traces and recollections of an afternoon sun ready to settle outside the window and a dark room beyond it. All that is left then to haunt you for the rest of your life is the dark room and its demons. But bless the mind of this 8 year old who hasnt been able to remember anymore ever since.