Mahnoorie tagged me ages ago. Since Im too pooped to come up with an original post right now, here is the me-me…

I am thinking about... My school friends.

I said... Some stuff that actually got noticed and, surprisingly, appreciated. Woo hoo! To being genuine.

I should… Study.

I want to...You'd kill me if I said Travel one more time, right? Lol, yeah, thought so. So I want to not study. Want and should are too very different things.

I wish... there were more hours in a day. Plus I wish I was more motivated. And also, I wish things with my school friends would go back to the way they were before.

I miss... School life (yeah, lots of school life references here. Will justify that with a separate post. Sigh. Long and *sad* story.)

I hear...Voices in my head. Defining emphysema. On repeat.

I wonder... If i'll ever be skinny enough.

I regret... My school friends group breaking up.

I am... Not very good at being coherent and eloquent. Ever. What my brain thinks and what comes out of my mouth are two very different things.

I dance... To TV commercials music. While walking. Only in front of my sisters and occasionally Mum.

I sing... To torture people.

I cry...at everything. I cry during movies, reading books, when I am sad, when I am angry. At everything.

I am not always... In a good mood (ha! Lol, yes, see even I am admitting it. I am a PMSing bitch sometimes too… which is a joke all by itself… lol, no sorry, cant explain.)

I write... Like I think. Incoherently. But my writing isnt half bad :D mum loves it anyway :P Shut up, Chicki, no one asked your opinion.

I confuse... Myself. Confession: Im a very very confused person.

I need... To motivate myself to study more. Im brilliant ;D Im not kidding about that. But that's when I study decently. Sigh, damn you, low will power.

I should try... to study more? Lol.

I finish... Lol? Hm… lemme think, every stupid novel that I pick up to read. I never leave a book in between.

I tag… Yay! Time to torture everybody else to do it.
Since Mahnoorie's the one who tagged me, I tag my other usuals…
Sum
Aisha
Sobia
TP (female, see Im even giving you stuff to write about :P wake up, before I give your blog CPR)
And a brand new entry to my usuals… Aya

Tag!!

Today
Height: 5'7... Almost, lol!
Color: depends on the time of the year you see me… I range from a nice gori in hols (yes, im Vain, lol, deal with it), to a deep sickly yellowish brown in uni summers.
Piercing: 2 each ear, 1 nose… of course I look cool. My nose pin is a hit. Go ask DKA.
Tattoos: sigh if only they were allowed, I’d get one on me ankle.

Right Now
Time: 4:26 am
Mood: Antsy… need to eat and need to study.
Taste: Coffee
Weather: meh… my room gets no ventilation I swear.
Bad habit: sleep too much, spend too much time on the net, watch too much TV, dont study enough. And I constantly pick on my lips.
Current crush: JD from scrubs... he he I like my guys cute and funny.
Biggest regret: different uni.
Perfume(s): Eew Im so not going to smell myself right now. Its 4 in the night, Ive been studying, which equals working very very hard. What do you think I smell like? :P Yes, I can be very disgusting at times.
Thing I want to do: Travel travel travel.

Favourite
TV show: lots.. I love TV!!! Bright colours, good music, tiny little people… what isnt there to love :D
Book: Life isnt all Ha Ha he he by Meera Syal
Non alcoholic drink: Coca Cola!! My hips and tummy have certainly shown their affection by holding on to the pounds.
Milk drink: Strawberry shake.
Brand: none.
Color: None in particular. Dont like brown.
Emblem: Lol! I actually had to look up the meaning of this word first. Ha ha. I kid u not. I thought it was a word projecting an idea about a person, but its more like a visual picture or something. So I have no idea what I would be. Maybe I could be that famous painting where the blad man is screaming about something, you know the one they shown on MTV too.
Perfume: Cool water, hugo boss, chanel no.5.
Designer: HSY! Pretty pretty colours.
Chocolate: Maaaarssss, Cadbury’s fruit and nut. CHocolate cake. yum yum.

Have I Ever
Broken the law: I am not sure. Can you repeat the question while I go hide somewhere?
Misused credit card: Nope.
Skipped school: Lol, I loved school. In all my school going years, I just remember skipping it willingly one day, when I was sick and I happened to have a Bio test. Coincidence you think? ;) But does college count? I had like official Friday chutti all this year.
Fell asleep in the shower/bath: No. Not yet. Working on that.
Had children: Nope, none that I know of.
Been in love: Lol, Not sure.
Been hurt: yeah. Just last night, Chicki gave me her usual knock on the head. Which is more like a thud. And by usual I mean, she physically has to hit me every time she passes me by. We sisters show our love Stone-age style. You my sister, I love you, thud. Gets the point across.

Random
Have a job: No.
My CD player has what in it right now: Norah Jones.
If I were a crayon, the color: Pftt. I dont wanna be a crayon. I wanna be a water colour :D
What makes me happy: Im always happy. Not that it has much to do with my sunny predisposition. Im just on a lot of crack right now. :D

When/What Was the Last
I got a real letter: Dont remember.
Got an email: Abhi abhi when someone commented on my blog.
Thing I purchased: Does a card for my cell phone count?
TV program I watched: Scrubs!!! I wuv JD!
Movie I saw in the theaters: MI: 2 Lol, that too exactly 4 years ago.
Hugged: Khala. Last night.
Place I was: bathroom. Two minutes ago.
Song heard: Dil kya karey.
Phone call: Ish!
Was depressed: a few days ago about my paeds result.

What Comes to Mind When I Hear
Car: accident.
Murder: she wrote
Cape: super-man
Cell: credit!
Fun: chutti!
Shoe: want more!
Crush: JD!
Music: not right now
Love: outdated
Chalk: school

I Tag
Sum... lets see if I can wake her from her slumber.
Aya
Aisha
TP
Zuljin

Whatchoo' talkin about

Aahhhh.. :/ I've started having my qualms again. The ones I usually have every two months when people start talking too much about shadiz and stuff. I hate weddings. lol, no wait. That is a complete lie. I love weddings. Dressing up is good for my vanity and ego. :D I just don't like the idea of marriage. For me, it means that there's nothing better in life left to do. I think I'll stop talking to Lint till I dont feel like retching everytime he says the M word. (He isn't talking about me, mind you.)

Aaahhh... travellllllinnnnnggg..... :D now that is something that is so high on the my list of to-dos. Totally non-retch. I swear if this were not Pakistan and if my parents were ok with that, I would not be in med-school right now. I'd be travelllllllinggggg all over the world. or atleast all over one continent. I know it requires money. Dont you go rolling your eyes at me. I'd work and then travel and then work and then travel. I can swear I have a gypsy/nomad soul in me. One day I'll leave my husband and kids and run away to some other country where I will change my name and identity. Princess Leia! That'll be the new me. I'll grow out my hair back to their old glorious length, wear long kimonoes... no scratch that idea. I hate layering, cant handle hot weather anyway. So will have long long hair again and will wear something that looks nice. And then I'll send my husband hate mail via Fedex, which will also be sort of mystery mail, along the lines of I know what you did last summer to drive your poor, lovely, beautiful (:D) wife away, you stinking bastard, so now you gotta take care of the kids yourself, and if you make them cry, I will so come down there and put the fear of God in you, that you'll curse the day you laid eyes on me, you retard, and you better feed my kitty too while you're at it, and dont you dare think about marrying anyone else yet, Im still not through with making you miserable enough to wanna kill yourself yet.

Yeah that would be good fun. Sigh. Curses, I hate studying for exams. Grumble grumble grumble.

Dr. Return-of-the-dragon-from-hell is an excellent doctor. I'll give him credit for that. And he teaches really well. When he does decide to teach that is. Most of his sessions are spent in having discussions about why women are evil, how the world would be a better place without them, Islam, Pakistan, people who are evil and again, women who are the primal evil of all. Discussions are basically him talking and us pretending to listen.

For all the nonsense he usually does come up with, he said something a few days ago that hit home with me.

We were discussing the spirit of Ramzan. One thing led to another and he started telling us about this one time he was in Saudia Arabia during Ramzan. A friend of his introduced him to an Indian Doctor over there, who was a Hindu. Dr. Dragon's friend told him the oddest thing about the Indian doctor, that he held fasts in the whole month of Ramzan like muslims did, from dawn till dusk, observing every rule, short of offering Salat. The intrusive and in-everyones-face man that he is, Dr. D marched right up to the Hindu/Indian doctor and asked him why did he practice fasting when he wasn't even a muslim?

The Indian doctor replied (and I quote. not a precise quote though, just the gist of it) "Two reasons. One is, obviously, it is a great way to keep a check on your diet and stay healthy. The second and the more important reason is that I love this Muslim manner of showing your faith. To the world you might be fasting. You might not eat anything in front of your family, your friends, your colleagues. Hell, you can even sit dry-throat and empty-stomach all day, convincing yourself. But only you (the deep down you) and Allah know the truth of your status. So whether you actually fast or not, and how you fast is all truly observable only by Allah, the One you are actually fasting for. How are you going to lie to Him? If that isn't faith, what is?"

Wow was all I could say. SubhanAllah, a simple fact about our religion so easily understood by a non-muslim but something that eludes the majority of us who do claim to have faith.

(How fasting, as a non-muslim, is helping him along the lines of his faith is beyond me. Maybe it is one of Allah's grand designs, maybe it's a way of showing hidayat to someone, by attracting him to the way muslims practice their religion.)

Awwww :D

I got this mail in a forward. It was toooo cute!!!! Couldn't resist, had to post it!

** *TIPS ON LOVE FROM THOSE THAT SHOULD KNOW**
(all questions were answered by kids, age 5-10)*

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??
"Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife"(Tom, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date"(Mike, 10)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buyher a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding" (Jim, 10)
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours"(Kally, 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" (Lynette, 9)
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble" (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE?
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular" (Jan, 9)
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something,but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful" (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE?
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life" (Roger, 9)
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I
don't want to do it. It takes too long" (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful" (Jeanne, 8)
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet"(Gary, 7)
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time"(Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS?
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them" (Dave, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE?
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television" (Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. Ihave been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girl skeep finding me" (Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love - I'm finding fourth grade hard enough" (Regina, 10)

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills"(Ava, 8)

SOME SURE FIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores" (Del, 6)
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love"(Alonzo, 9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me"(Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love" (John, 9)
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food" (Brad, 8)
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire.they like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire"(Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"?
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day" (Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS?
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you"(Doug, 7)
"It might help to watch soap operas all day" (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it" (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE?
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work" (Tom, 7)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash" (Randy, 8)

I wish I was intelligent and bright instead of being just hard working. Actually even that is not quite true. I used to be pretty intelligent and hard working... till I got into med-school. Now I am neither. Not intelligent or hard working. Just pretty ;D he he... yes yes, I know, cheap joke. sigh. Im tired. Blame the tired little psychotic cushingoid brain that has been up since the last 24 hours.

Ok, so here's my question to everyone who is still somewhat connected to studying part of life? or has been through something similar to my studies pattern.... how do I get better in Vivas (viva-voce)? I am great at writing. I suck at vivas. So, please, any help in this matter will be great!!! (i sound like Im writing an application)

Lol! The stat counter is fun.... :D so many people visiting my blog, i can seeeeee you... :D well, not really see you see you.... but atleast i know what country you're from... :D
which is fun :D

i didn't know people from canada were reading my blog.... comment every now and then y'all!

Zzzzz... 

I came across an old post I had written more then a year back, sometime in July last year. This part of it stood out. Funny how we say stuff and forget their effect until we come face to face with them again.

Train of thoughts: Some things arent meant to be. Sort of comforting, that is, as harsh as it may sound the first time around. Means something else out there is meant to be, and its still there waiting to happen. All is not lost. Gives me hope.

Does it ever get better then this?

Mum at the 25 years reunion bash of her M.B.B.S class, when asked what her biggest achievement was in life till now:
My four kids.

This post's idea is a total rip off from Saba's blog. I loved the way she had done it so I decided to do it too. Sorta like a meme. Dont hate me.

If I could, then I would…

* * * go traveling. RIGHT NOW. One backpack (maybe two) and lots of cash. All ye who cramp my style, sorry you cant come along.

* * * decide once and for all about Lint. Being so bloody indecisive majorly sucks.

* * * leave my uni. I hate it.

* * * go back to 2002 and try harder for the uni I actually wanted to go to. Or atleast, know the behtri in eventually not being able to get in despite the good grades that I did, infact, get, so that atleast it wont haunt me for the rest of my life.

* * * not know you AT ALL, Dr. too-good-to-be-f***ing-true. From the first hey to the last Ok, talk to you some other time, I would not know you. At all. You might mean well, but man, you have an ego the size of a frikkin elephant.

* * * tell Paeds, Gynae and Medicine Department to go get an enema.

* * * also not have known you. You are fake. And I cant believe I toh-tal-ly fell for it. Wait. I can believe it, I am stupid enough. But seriously, you are number 2 on my list of totally wish you didnt exist.

* * * Make your hurt go away, C.

* * * tell a few people I am unfortunately related to go straight to hell. For all you made my mother go through, I hope you rot long and slow. Godspeed.

* * * Kiss mum's hurt away.

* * * go back a few months and pay more attention to Dazed when we were still talking to each other.

I know I wont be able to ever come out from underneath your shadow. The least you can do is let me live in peace there.

Did ya hear... 22 is the new 18 :D

Sigh. I wanna complain about life. Thats what I do most of the time, dont I? But have actually gotten too tired of myself lately. How my sisters and my friends bear me, I have no clue, but Im a little sick of my constant complaining. Ha. Funny haina? Faizo babe gets the credit. She complained enough in one day to make me realize how not-very-fun for the listener it was. So the grinch has been sent off to a corner for some time.

Or maybe its just the festivity of a Coffee chocolate mousse cake that's doing this talking.

Still no clue where the money went. Hope its around here somewhere and not stolen. Cuz then that would be just plain disappointing. I believe in the goodness of people too much.

I made a seperate blog to work as a gratitude journal, but dont feel like posting in it right now. Maybe I will. Some other time. Heard it's very "therapeutic". But for now here's what I am grateful about today:

27. Sep. 2006 (11:37 pm)

1. Sistaz... thank you for the yummy cake, and thank you for knowing chocolate makes me happy. Would be even better if you wouldnt fight with me. Just lemme get away with being right every now and then, wont you :D

2. Mummy... Adorable mum, you are everything I wanna be someday. Thank you for being who you are. I just wish I didn't miss you so much. I miss everyday life with you.

3. Faith... thank you Allah for blessing me with complete absolute faith. Being able to turn to You for every single detail in my life is what Im most grateful about.

P.s:
28th september, 2006. 1:07 am

Some more things to be grateful about:

4. Friends who remember my birthday. My birthday isn't that important to me but when you guys start calling and keep calling till u get through, you make me feel GREAT :D

5. Feb, 2001. You would be there to talk to me 8 am sharp your time zone no matter what. Sep, 2006. You still haven't changed.

6. 2nd Oct 2005. I didn't understand why. Now I do. SubhanAllah, We are the grandest designs of our Lord.

The countdown has begun. Two more days to turning 22. And somehow, I'm not looking forward to it.

Not the way I looked forward to every birthday from the twelfth to the eighteenth year. Short of shaking pom-poms and doing cartwheels, I did everything I could possibly think of to celebrate growing up. Every year had been different then. I had looked back at a weridly wonderful year spent, and looked forward to the coming one with hope and anticipation. And yet, somehow, for the same exact reason, I'd like to pause and rewind my life a bit before the 22 arives with its full and final glory. I dont wanna turn 22. I try looking back and then I wish I would just frikkin stop with the whole trying to look back business. Because I have nothing, absolutely nothing to show for my last 4 years. My life's been at a stasis since I turned 19. I see no change in myself. Except the ones that are for the worst and nothing to write home about. Instead of growing as a person and an individual, I have apparently reversed and lost great big chunks of myself, chunks that I considered good and pure and simple and worthy. There have been no achievements at any level. I have not improved in anyway. My mental, physical and emotional states have pretty much detoriated. I have nothing to show for the last 4 years of my life. Nothing.

And that is what depresses me about turning 22. Happy Birthday to me!

Memphis calling me up one day before a major test that we were suppoosed to study for atleast for 2 weeks:

Memphis: Heeeeeeelpppp!
Me: What???
Memphis: Help kardoooo yaar!
Me: Lemme guess. You havent started studying YET for tomorrow and you want to know what topics are important, right?
Memphis: Im still amazed at how you know me so well.
Me: Lol, stop bullshitting. Paper pen lao, ill tell you the topics.

(2 mins spent looking for a pen)

Memphis: Ok, shoot.
Me: Ok, topic 1. Sewage sickness.
Memphis: Crap.
Me: Yeah, it basically means that.
Memphis: No. Crap. My pen just finished.
Me: hahahahahhhh why am I not surprised?

Here comes Bachelor No.1...

Currently the favourite game at my place is Who can we set Sohnii up with? The participants are my evil sisters and their some-what evil friends. The poor victim is me (and I am not enjoying it, contrary to what you think). The object of the game is to come up with an eligible bachelor, try to sell his idea to me and then attempt to fix the both of us up.

The ideal bachelors line-up has included, till now, their totally delicious, totally good looking, totally narcissistic friend. Rejected on the basis of being a big huge Snob. Next in line was their Chicago-born who had major brownie points for being an eklota bacha. Unfortunately, it turned out to be false information and he was, infact, the middle one in three brothers. So they rejected him too. (Funny that you should think I would be the one to reject a guy since I was being set up. It doesn’t quite work that way with this lot. They choose the guy, they reject him. Just adds to the list, as another one of those things I don’t really understand about them.)

Then their was the Super-nova Wolverine who happens to be pretty cute but shorter than me, and Crazy Mayo who is a friend of mine, cute in a very boy-next-door way but has the weirdest sense of humor this side of the planet. Him, I personally rejected. A girl’s gotta have her laughs proper. And now their nazr-e-karam has shifted to my friend Memphis. Please note my emphasis on the words my friend. That rejection was by me too, simply on the basis of those two very words.

The conclusion is that while they have their daily laughs, picking out guys and dissecting their very fabric of being discussing their personalities, I sit back and think being the youngest in their group isn’t so cool anymore. Like my dad always says, “its your curse. You have to live with it. Sag baash, duktarey/bache khurd na baash.” (Translated from Persian: better a dog then the youngest daughter/son.)

Sigh. I hate hospitals. Yes, this is coming from someone who is in 4th year of Med-school, just a year and a half shy from graduating. I hate hospitals. Even if they are as nice as AKU.

My friend's dad is sick. He had a stroke. Please people, everyone who reads this, please say a little prayer for him to get better. You might not know my friend, (he's a great dude by the way). You might not know his Dad, (I dont either). But he's someone's dad, someone's husband, someone's family. So please, just pray for him to get better.

Dad is here. Before I get used to the fact of having him around, he leaves. Two days are never enough.


I sent the email. Now, Im wondering two things.
1. Is that email address still working?
2. Was it stupid of me to send that email?


Something I read in The Garrick Year by Margaret Drabble. I haven't associated with anything so strongly since a very long time.

I find it takes very little time for me to become thoroughly bored. To me life seems to be perpetually on the verge of extinction, and I could bear anything rather than die in a moment of boredom. I feel that I am insulting something when I am bored. I began to miss London: it was not so much that I had many close friends there, for I have few friends, but I missed variety. My tastes are shallow; my life is shallow; and I like anonymity, change and fame. In Hereford I could have none of these things: I was condemned to familiarity, which beyond anything I find hard to mantain with ease.

The farewell made me realize just how much I will miss them. Before this I always thought of them as my sisters' friends. Now I realize that they have been my friends too for the past four years. Maybe not very close friends, not as much a part of my life as my regular group, but nevertheless, still my friends. I'll miss you guys. :(

Saw The Lake House over the weekend. It was a bit confusing to wrap my mind around the whole time glitch technicality thing at first. But I liked the movie. Yes, I did. Like most romantic movies, I loved this one too. Maybe I am too much of a sentimental fool to like all this romanic junk but kiya karein. They fill me with hope. And that's all I need most of the time. So yeah Lake House goes on my I Like list.

I feel good...

One of the nicest compliments I've ever gotten...

"I like your smile. You smile with all your heart. It says look at me, I'm happy within."