My two cents' worth

I will hurl if I ever hear a guy call one of his friends janu, jaan (or anything similar) again...
When we ladies say stuff like that, we look cute.
When you guys say it, you sound gay.
So quit it.

In other headlines, too much wedding talk. Uff... way too much wedding talk. A friend is getting nikah-fied soon. Is ecstatic. Whoopdeedoo. I am happy for her, I really am, she is an excellent friend of mine but excuse me if I dont feel like getting hitched ASAP or like in the next thirty years or so. Another friend that has already married a couple of months ago is a constant billboard for wedding bliss, an eye sore for a cynic like me. Yet another friend is getting engaged in the summer to her cousin. She is too far away to hit or curse with any effective results.
So there.
Im in an extra-nauseous mood nowadays so if there is any more talk of weddings or happily-ever-afters around me again, I will hurl. I repeat, I will huff and puff and HURL. Disgusted yet? Lets move on.

I think the actual trouble is liking someone. Im not talking about love or lust or all the other boring lyrical flowery yada yadas. Im talking about genuine appreciation for someone. Like Sarah JP put it in Ellen's show:
In the long run, you gotta like em. All the other stuff is in a moment that goes away.

I totally agree with you female, even though you remind me a little too much of my youngest aunt, which makes me want to change the channel everytime I see you... but nevertheless you are absolutely right. I think, no wait, I know... I know you have to appreciate somebody, appreciate all that they are about, like them for who they are to be able to bear them, tolerate them, compromise for them and to be able to love them in the long run.

Im sorry if I look/sound like such a deer-caught-in-the-headlights cynic when it comes to the marriage deal but even though, at a few rare lose-ur-mind-and-watch-it-melt-away instances I have imagined myself to be in love, now I dont think it was worth the effort. I never began with liking the person for who he was, it was flattering to be liked/loved and from thereon, for short delusionary periods I imagined myself to be in love. But now, in complete sanity, I'll tell you I was not. In love, that is. The delusional part Im not commenting on.

So yes. I will convert from my reject-all-things-called-marriage way of life.
Dont fret Mum, I will. One day.
When and if I meet someone, I can totally and honestly appreciate. Appreciate him for his mind, his brilliance (if he has any), his visions, his character, his honesty and his genuinness (is that even a word??... but you get the zist dont you)
Once there is the appreciation, there will be respect and eventually, hopefully, perhaps with time, there may even be love.

Till then, singledome is not so bad after all :D

P.s: Came across one of Aisha's latest posts, The overseas marriage thing, and even though it has nothing in relevance to my insane midnight ramblings, I thought it was a really good read.

Bored with existence

I dont know how my hours are spent. Everyday slips into the next, eventless and vague. I cant recall anything I did yesterday or the day before or a week ago. I find myself hypnotized and stupefied by the TV noise and the colours are a blur. The calendar shows me a stretch of days, a stretch of time with repeated movement that constitute of feeding myself and sleeping. Bored with existence.

I stare at the screen, waiting for it to light up. A part of me believes you miss me but I wonder who will break first. You or me? The thought of showing my weakness in front of you is the only thing that is keeping me from dialling your number. My ego wont allow me that luxury. How long will your resolve last? I stare at the screen and wonder.

When I had convinced myself of your insignificance and bolted all doors in your face, all it took was a simple reference of ‘aap’ to remind me of you.

To Dazed, with love: Some days, I could just wring your neck and walk away.

A year. 12 months. Seems centuries ago. Sees like happened to somebody else. All that remains is a dull ache. Like a forgotten ailment, that hurts every once in a while to remind you of its existence. Pulsates in the background. Instead stands a gaping hole. 12 months and counting.