And then I saw you...

I dream. A lot.
Literally, figuratively, metaphorically… in all ways that one can dream. My actual dreams are turning into nightmares. Into actual nightmares. I wake up sweating, trying to shake their vividness off. If I was scared before, I am terrified now. I dont think I'll ever be able to trust
again.

On to brighter topics..

You know how you go to some blogs and they've posted poetry and song lyrics and stuff like that, and you skip all of it.
Well... dont do it now.
I know I post a lot of songs.
I know it gets boring every now and then.
But seriously... this song, dont skip it.

Pat green… Wave on wave

Mile upon mile got no direction,
We're all playin the same game.
We're all looking for redemption,
Just afraid to say the name.

So caught up now in pretending,
That what we're seekin is the truth.
Im just looking for a happy ending,
All Im looking for is you.

You came upon me wave on wave
You're the reason I'm still here, yeah
Am I the one you were sent to save?
You came upon me wave on wave.

I wandered out into the water,
And I thought that I might drown
I dunno what I was after,
I just know I was goin down.

Thats when she found me
Im not afraid anymore
She said “You know I always had ya baby
Just waitin for you to find what you were looking for.”

You came upon me wave on wave
You're the reason I'm still here.
Am I the one you were sent to save
When you came upon me wave on wave.

Wave on wave
Wave on wave

The clouds broke and the angels cried
You aint gotta walk alone
Thats why he put me in your way
And you came upon me wave on wave.

And you came upon me wave on wave
You're the reason I'm still here.
Am I the one you were sent to save
When you came upon me wave on wave.

Bucky Covington performed it in last week's show...
Excellent excellent excellent... Im speechless...
So this is a tribute to him, to his amazing voice, to the double cute-ness (the Buck n Rock of it :D)...
oh and to Chicki... who is crazy about him....:D

Yes I have a lot of farigh time...

American Idol... the programme is entertaining... the aftermath isnt.


The stupid music company, Im guessing he signed up with Clive, have managed to turn him into a sugary pop princess...
Sob...
My Bo...
...who managed to make it to the top 2 last year
...who sang the hell out of Vehicle, For the love of money, I cant get no satisfaction and Sweet Home Alabama...

They took the King of Rock and turned him into Britney Spears... sob....

Lets hope his next album is more him...




Meanwhile...

Im rooting for Chris Daughtry in the hots department.

He is so much better then Vin Diesel. Please stop comparing them...

And oh boy, can he sing :D







For everyone who thinks Taylor isnt cute.... need I say more?? he he...

Sundays are slow and Mondays are blue

Ace is hot. But Chris is hotter. No no… hottest ive decided. Right up there with Eric Bana, a little below Bo Bice. Bo Bice toh is Maha hot! :D And he came on the show this week, the night the boys sang. Was in the audience. And they only showed him once. I mean, he did make it to the finals and he ALMOST won last year didnt he. They could at least ask him to say something or at least they couldve showed him more than once.

I have decided that Im going to obsess freakishly about American Idol whether anyone likes it or not. Till May at least, when they will tell all us sad obsessed stalker lot who won. Then as always, I wont bother finding out if the winner actually got around to making an album. That reminds me, Bo Bice’s new album needs to go on my MUST HAVE list.

Something else on my MUST HAVE list is a digital camera. Yes Im still in the dark ages, I dont have a digi-cam. So now I want one. Very very very bad. The new Sony Cybershot. The thin sleek model. My hands start itching every time I see one. Anyone out there who happens to be in lurve with me and who also happens to be filthy rich (the mysterious ways of fate… Ive a rule about never questioning them)… please get me that camera. I promise to love u back forever and ever and ever. Or at least I'll pretend I do while you can promise you wont know the difference. Illusions are better then the truth sometimes. What you dont know wont hurt you, you know.

A friend of mine made my day yesterday. What would've otherwise been an extremely boring Sunday was just boring, because I spent a hour and a half in the afternoon chatting with her. It is strangely fun and liberating being able to laugh on nothing in particular. And babe, when you call me Churail, I know you're just suffering from an inferiority complex cuz Im so fab... muah ha ha ha!!!! (evil laugh in case you dint know)

Ooh Oohhhh and I finally finally finished A million little pieces by James Frey. An incredibly easy read. Loved the way he wrote it. Its funny how he came on Oprah's show a few months back, how she did her usual the whole the book was so good, I couldn't put it down act and how a few months later she was all huffy puffy and upset cuz some of the stuff he had written was fabricated. Well, fact or fiction, whatever you wanna call it, the book is good. It is well-written and it is interesting.

Some excerpts from it are :

I want to run or die or get fucked up. I want to be blind and dumb and have no heart. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. I want to wipe my existence straight off the map. Straight of the fucking map.

I took a lot of punches for that bull shit, and every time I threw a punch back, and I threw one back every single time, I threw it back for her. I threw it back as hard as I fucking could and I threw it back for her.


And now for my very fave part, where I leave you with the song of the week…
this is Everything by Alannis Morrisette..
cheerios all you lovely folks... Ta!

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone
As negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I'm the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
As positive as I am sometimes

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive agressiveness can be devistating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone who's closed down as I am sometimes

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I am the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate

And you're still here
And you're still here
And you're still here

Been reading

The Young man came to the Old man seeking counsel.
I broke something, Old Man.
How badly is it broken?
It's in a million little pieces.
I'm afraid I cant help you.
Why?
Theres nothing you can do.
Why?
It can't be fixed.
Why?
It's broken beyond repair. Its in a million little pieces.
- A million little pieces by James Frey

01. 03. 2006

11:00 pm
In bed. Dog tired. Very proud of myself for making an attempt to correct my sleeping habits.

11:10 pm
Intercom rings.
Table seems a million miles away. Cant get up. Dont wanna get up. Dont get up.

11:15 pm
Sms beep. Ann tells me not to worry.

11:20 pm
Intercom again.
Nope. Still not getting up.

11:39 pm
Sms beep. Dazed thinks im rude. An acronym he made up which is actually pretty sweet in its context compared to the word itself.

11:48 pm
Sms beep.
Message memory almost full. Delete old messages. Takes me 2 minutes. Back to new sms. Shanz discusses a mutual friend's father's death.
Depressing topic. I feel like crying again.

11:53 pm
Sms beep. Memphis says basant is on Sunday and am I still mad at him?

11:59 pm
Sms beep. Memphis again.
Yeah M, I'll mark your proxy. Go away now. Shoo shoo...

12:06 am
Sms beep. Lint is annoyed at me. Says mean stuff.
I delete the sms. Sorry dude, too frikkin late in the night to deal with emotional baggage.

12:15 am
Intercom rings. Cousin enters room in an attempt to pick it up. Said cousin lives downstairs. Said call is also from downstairs. Said writer thinks her family goes mad after 10 pm.

12:20 am
Intercom again.

*sigh* *curse* *mutter*
Yeah?
Aunt wants to know if I was sleeping.

12:25 am
Intercom rings.
Should I ignore it?
Grand mum wants to know which upstairs door is open.
Get out of bed and check all doors. No door is open.

12:32 am
Sms beep. Memphis is eternally grateful. Apparently my proxy-marking ability has him bound and loyal to me for as long as he lives.
Wonder if he'll feel any pain if I strangle him with his kite string.

12:34 am
Beep beep. IB wants to know if Im sleeping.
Almost tempted to say yes I am, I have this amazing power of answering messages without actually haing to wake up. How cool is that, right.

12:36 am
Sms beep. Sum asks about tomorrow's strike status. Will anyone burn our bus if we go on that field trip.
That idea seem very pleasant in my current state of sanity (insanity?)

12:40 am
Beep beep. Another sms.
Ib thinks I need some excitement in my life.

12:45 am
Awful headache. Cant think straight. Panadol zindabad.

01:00 am
Out of bed. Lights on. Headache has turned into a full raging migraine. The whole irani circus is running around and jumping on my nerves.
Silently contemplate a digging site in my room, where I could murder my cell phone and intercom and give them a proper burial.

And just this afternoon, I thought life was boring.

p.s: to anyone who says why dont I turn my cell phone off, im in perpetual fear of missing out on some life altering news in case I turn my mobile off.
Yes, im mad, I know.
Unfortunately in my case, its a full 24 hour affair instead of the familial after 10 deal.