Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Mano's E-TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY

Once upon a time two years back, a black ball of fur was born to a Persian cat. True breed or not, I dunno…
*focus* that is not the point of the story..

Well, some weeks later, the very much loved by some and respected by others Janni Bhai bought the little billoo and presented him to us…. The little billooo made himself right at home, starting with peeing in my room, whenever it got the chance…
I am not lying…
for those of u who know my love for shoes, those were dark dark days for me…
Mano even peed on my shoes, *sniff sniff* I had to give away two pairs…

Than finally when its sniffing system started working properly and it could make out the litter dabba, and when it had achieved proper bladder control (important milestone), it focused its energy elsewhere and so my room was spared…

Since than its been the most adorably ugly cat one cud ever have…
  • For one, its fur ranges from dark grey to white depending on the weather, but strangely its face remains black…
  • Nanii maa put it very nicely and eloquently when she said that Mano’s face resembled Tom’s (from tom and jerry), not the usual-Tom face but the one where Jerry hits him on the face with a large frying pan and Tom’s face goes flat…
  • Its eyes are honestly like marbles, and they change colors according to what he’s feeling… freaky mood eyes I tell u!
  • It sleeps the whole day and is up the whole night… ammi believes tht this has something to do with the fact that billlooo is honeyz cat… they share the same sleeping pattern apparently… the weird thing is (of course, there is a weird thing.. What did u expect… our family is weird to begin with.. And now so are our animals..) that around 2 to 3 in the night, billlooo goes all hyperactive and refuses to acknowledge the warnings we give him… It starts running around the whole place, jumps on the sofas and attempts to fly across anything that comes in his way… it is my personal belief that my sister is secretly feeding him RED BULL or some other version of the drink but that is yet to be confirmed… any help in this matter will be much appreciated.
  • When we got the cat, the fraud shop walla told us it was male. Nobody bothered to contest that statement… billoooo spent a good 8-9 months amongst us 3 adoring female fans as our very own beloved BILLA…. We later found out it wasn’t a HE-cat, it was a BILLI… imagine our disappointment… we still havent gotten over it… our friends still wonder why we refer to him as a male cat and why we apply the male tense when talkin about him.
  • Manoojiii being in heat is a completely different story. We literally have no sleep or sukoon in those 4-5 days… That is when when we are reminded who the cat actually belongs to… (Honey!) … and she shud be the one who shud suffer the most… of course, that rarely happens, and the cat is let out in the lounge, where she pays a visit to every door and attempts to serenade us separately for a gud 25 mins per person, while inside the rooms, we do a variety of things, ranging from plotting how to kill the cat, or throw the cat out without Honey noticing, to moaning, groaning, and attempting to sleep…
  • The high moment for our little kitty, I believe, was when it killed a lizard in my bathroom… and that was it, just killing… no eating it.. No playing with it… our cat is evil I tell u, she killed the big fat lizard and sat and looked at the dead thing for hours… when gonngii came and threw the lizard away, billooo cried for 4 days outside my bathroom, the way cats cry….
  • We once brought a DULHA for manojiii… a big Persian cat in camel color… it was absolutely the most beautiful and magnificent cat that I had ever seen… it was huge and weighed as much as my two yr old (very very healthy) cousin… Honey tried pickin him up… her legs buckled underneath her and before any serious damage was done to our poor frail little elder sister I took him… it looked like Simba (from the lion king) … for all its greatness, it was a big wuss… his purrr wud go khurrr cuz he had a constant cold, and his nose was always running… (not a very cute sight) …. of course our little miss prim and proper manojiii had to have a problem with him.. She refused to eat in the same food tray as him, she refused to even go near him and of course the big KHARR (translation: donkey in pushto) that he was, he absolutely adored her… he would follow her everywhere… she wud run from one room, into the lounge, jump across the sofa and into the next room, and he wud be there rite behind her… It was like watching Tom n Jerry all over again (except for the mouse that was missing and the one cat that was extra… but u get my point don’t u). The funny thing was Simba was scared of our little mano… she wud go GHURRR in a low voice and he wud move two feet back… Female empowerment! Since there were no signs of them getting along even ten days later, we had to give up all dreams of mazedaar biryani for their valima dinner, and cute little Persian kittens running along our whole place (which ofcourse we cud sell for some solid cash) **sigh** Than we gave cute little simba away…. Cuz Honey couldn’t bear to part from her ugly gay cat… I tell u, its gay… that’s the only explanation for rejecting Simba… my heart still aches for the poor kharr!!
  • Lolz, chicki just stated that Manoo is the only one who openly defies papajiii… when he says manoooo come here, she just looks at him n than turns away.. He turns a little red, goes MANOOO come here, she still looks away… he musters, not knowing what could be bringing on this rebellion, and what if it spread to his children and wife… SITUATION MUST BE CONTROLLED! He bellows, MANOOO COME HERE!!!!… manoo notices the change in wind and *cat*walks away….
  • Our cat is abnormal… seriously, im a third yr medical student, and I can safely say that she is abnormal…. There is no other way to explain why it wud try pushing a heavy wooden door with its head and when the door opens slightly, she tries running out only to get her neck stuck in the door… one day it is going to die this way, u just wait and see….
  • We have a pencil thief in our home now… Mano of course… she manages to steal every pen pencil or any object resembling that shape, and plays with it in the lounge… one of the pencils ended up in her litter box… all that was cute till I lost my mascara one day and gonnggii found it a month later behind the coffee table… now that was not funny…. Im just waiting for payback time… hey, don’t blame me, the mascara was expensive….
  • One of the funniest things our little kitty has accomplished to do is unnerve our baby titan…. That is not an easy task, I tell u…. there baby titan was, one fair day, opened the fridge, and the baadrang (translate: cucumber) lover that he is, chose a nice one… and looked around to make sure mano wasn’t around… (mano loves baadrang too)… coast was clear… closed the fridge door, settled onto the sofa in front of the tv…. Took a nice big bite… ***maooo*** lol, and there was our little kitty, standing at his feet wanting some baadrang as well… since than, they’ve been at war…
  • The paitooo mano that is ours, like any other person with gud taste, loves chocolate to death…. Literally to death… she will kill and be killed for choc stuff… everythin from cakes, brownies, candy, to chocolate icecream… u leave an empty HOBNOBS box in the kitchen and 5 minutes later mano will be nowhere to be found… of course if ure smart u’ll check the box…. Bhooka nanga nadeeda mano is in the box eating crumbs like oliver twist who had to ask for more… she will stare at u when ure eating brownies and if ure superstitious like me, ull probably give her some as well, in case she gives u a badduwaa and u have a stomachache for 3 days… oh n she had choco icecream once… thn was sick for a week with a fever… who knew cats cud have fever…. Well, apparently they can, and u have to feed them egg-white than….HA HA… that’s for eating my icecream manooo!

So in case u wanna know more about manoo, or are totally in love with her (I hope u are by now), please feel free to come around and take her away…. Please (do not take my plea lightly!) P.S: can abnormal, gay cats be reported anywhere???

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