Sleep deprived and caffeine-driven inanity…

…I like who you are. But I hate sharing. The extent of your phone book scares me.

…If you could have a small stone for every time you miss me, the egoistic and self-centered part of me wants you to have enough to be able to cause some serious damage.

…I wont allow my life to be a compromise. Ever.

…Why do they kill the cute guy in the end of the movie? Four brothers was good otherwise.

…No Poogle, I dont know what is wrong with me. I wish I did. I want this more than anything else. But I cant help it.

…Memories. Funny things. How much of them is actually real and how much of it do we idolize and blow up to be all pretty and perfect?

…The memory of him seems perfect. Untarnished. The first. The beginning. I dont want him to come back in my life. The memory would lose its perfection then.

…Im still using dial-up internet. Yes, shoot me now. Hanging would be fine too. So to all the people I disappear on while chatting, Im sorry…. Please dont hate me. Its my screwed up net connection.

…I stared at the floor, willing it to split open and swallow me. I wished I could crawl into some dark hole and disappear. I would never come out. Ever. Didnt find a hole big enough. Instead, made my way through a meal and tried to smile while eating kheer. Oh well.

…I dont think the truth sets you free. I think it weighs you down, cripples you. Do we really need to know the truth each and every time?? Atleast what you dont know wont hurt you.

…And the song for today is Calling all angels by Train. Go listen to it. Seriously. Jao!

I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
Cuz I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And Im calling all angels
And Im calling all you angels

And I wont give up if you dont give up
I wont give up if you dont give up

I wont give up if you dont give up
I wont give up if you dont give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here
Cuz my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And Im calling all angels
And Im calling all you angels

When children have to play inside so they dont disappear
While private eyes solve marriage lies cause we dont talk for years
And football teams are kissing Queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours

And Im calling all angels
And Im calling all you angels

And I wont give up if you dont give up
I wont give up if you dont give up

I wont give up if you dont give up
I wont give up if you dont give up

Im calling all angels
Im calling all you angels

Find of the week #1: FNKasia!
Totally bohemian!
Totally adorable!
A little pricey like all good things are
But oh-so-worth it!!


Find of the week #2: Zindagi mey by Mehdi Hassan (live version)
Haye! makes my heart go skipping beats :D
One song that can sit in my ipod for as long as it likes!


Find of the week #3: A new friend I get along with fabulously!
You make me smile, snort and laugh! :D

On with the funeral. Im ready for the burial...

Its funny how acceptance and patience doesnt come in one large dose. It takes so fuckin long.

I looked at her, at them, at their life. My gaze wandered to all the pretty little bright lights surrounding the mirror and the first thought that crossed my mind was I dont want to be her, I dont want any of what she has and I dont want any of this.

“You know what,” I turned back to her, “Im very very happy for you.”

And this time the smile wasnt the one I had been practicing the whole day. For a change, it was real and my statement was an honest one. So I hugged her good night and made my way home, feeling for the first time in months that a burden had finally been lifted from my shoulders. I was finally free.

I was happy being who I am the best. I was happy being me.

All it took was hearing a single word to make me come undone. A single word to remind me, to make me remember. A single word to bring out my insecurities in their glaring technicolor festivity. A single word to wake up the insomniac cynic in me who had finally taken a moment's rest.

A single word.

Funny how I never thought speech was powerful in that way.

Aaahhh!!!!

Bryan Adams is coming to Karachi!!!

Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!

For everyone who thinks Im going crazy, please click the small red button on the top right hand side of this page and GO AWAY, I dont like you too much either!!!!

While growing up, I heard a combination of everything, from my Uncle's latest bollywood music collection to Ami's oldies goldies to sisters' mix of everythin English. I grew to like some, dis some, and just grew out of some.

But Bryan adams was it for me. Something I dint grow out of, something I never forgot the words to, something Ive always always loved.

So before he grows old and dies, or I bite the dust, someone PLEASE tell me the details about his present tour. Im desperate!

Grrrr....Excuse me if Im feeling a little homicidal right now!!

October 2005

Fouzia: 4 yrs
Imran: 28 yrs

Imran is Fouzia's brother in law. He had no kids of his own so he begged his Mother in law to let him adopt Fauzia. She agreed and he brought her home. One day when his wife had gone somewhere, he raped Fouzia. So brutally that the doctors had to remove her uterus when she was taken to the hospital. The baby's uterus was removed. She had cigarette burns all over her body and a few of her bones were broken.

His excuse: I wanted to have sex with her. I couldnt control myself.

I wish people would quit discussing weddings and marriages with me... i cant stomach the idea anymore.

Though i love you poogle for thinking I wud make an-oh-so-lovely bride... (yes Im that shallow :D)

Oh and did I mention the two look exactly alike!!!! But she is just so adorable!! :D i wuv kids.... 

And this is baby Alli's older brother....was my fave cousin till Alli gave him a run for his money 

My candy-licious cutey pie cousin Aleena... she is even more adorable in real life (trust me :D)... seriously M, how can you not love kids if they are so cute!!!! 

If you try real hard and squint your eyes long enough, you might just see the face I drew on the car windshield in the earliest hours of the snow fall.... How i love snow! :D 

I could start by saying my year went crap. I could list everything that went wrong. I could tell you all about the who-did-what.
I could.
But lets not.
Not today. Lets make today an exception. Why? Cuz I get a chance to start over. Clean slate. So lets not talk about all that today.

It started snowing around 9 in the night. That's what I love about this place. It has the most exquisite autumns and winters. And what other city will give you snow exact on new year's eve :D I couldn't think of a better way to start my new year.

For a change, instead of counting all the people who weren't all that nice to me, ill send out my thanks to all the people who did make my year.

Ami, Dad… I love you two.
Sana, Chicki… (im speechless) muah!!! Kisses for both of you.
Baby Titan… im glad you're makin it through
Sush… 6 years and counting, you still know where Im comin from :D
Zuljin... you make me scream and laugh at the time...who else could do that?!!!
Qta-ites… all my friends back home… thank you for always always welcoming me with open hearts, huge smiles and lots of food
Me elite khi posse… my guy-hating-awkward girls who are intimidated by my sisters, my ward groupies, my angst aunts and uncles, my free of charge taxies and hotels, my drivers and mighty-moes… you’re the reason I made it through another year in this university
Bobo jaan, Khalo and the rest of the khi family… thank you for making me feel as if I'd lived my whole life in khi
Blog-mates… :D you give me something to look forward to whenever I come online. Its nice knowing you people.

Now for my new year resolutions, I found the perfect way to put them into words:

That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing

That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if lost sanity

That I would be good
Whether with or without you

(Alanis Morrisette
That I would be good)