After some meaningful and deep soul searching… well, not really, Im just trying to avoid studying, and since the TV has been taken over by Baby Titan, Im left with nothing to do but blog.

But khair, after some meaningful and deep soul searching, I think Im more on the path of accepting life the way it is. Or atleast one aspect of life that had been bothering me a lot lately.
Im not at all perfect, not even close to it. More human than I was ever planning to be. So it bothers me that she would still expect us to be happy-larky-bestest buddies after everything that happened.

I mean where were you when we were actually something close to best buds?

I may be a bitch most of the time, I may be an inconsiderate ass, I may be a lot of other things but when it comes to being fair and loyal to my friends, I think Ive always done well on those grounds. Ive always tried going way out my way to be supportive and everything else I am supposed to be.

So what happened was a stroke of bad luck for me, I know. Not her fault I admit. So knowing and admiting that, I did what I was supposed to do, as a good person and as a good friend (I go thru these phases sometimes, much to my dismay). I still dont regret my decision or my sacrifice. I dont regret what I lost. But ill be damned if she thinks it will all be ok if we just close our eyes to it. That nothing has changed. Wake up, woman. Everything has changed. I have changed. For good or bad, I duno. But I have. So stop pretending that everything can go back to the way it was. It cant. We could still be friends, good ones maybe, but please stop acting like you have my best interest at your heart. Tried and tested, you dont. So enough of the act. I couldnt come to terms with it earlier, was in denial for a long while, but Im tired of it now. Im tired of the present-all-smiles smsz and the phone calls. Im tired of feeling guilty when I havent even done anything. Im tired of acting like everything is bright and shiny and happy between us when it isnt. Im tired of watching you act blind. Please just for 5 minutes acknowledge the fact that nothing is ok between us. That everything has changed. Maybe after that you could realize the consequences of what you did, what I did… maybe than we could truly move on and try giving ‘being real friends’ another shot.

Till than ill remain irritated at you, and this time without any guilt. I dint do anything to deserve this guilt and you bloody well know it.