6 years and counting…

I don’t believe in the power of the mind. To be able to forget things it wants to forget is not one of its superhuman strengths. You can get over things you want to get over, you can go on with your life and pretend its all good, but I don’t believe you can ever forget. Us humans, we just aren’t built that way.
In 2nd year, I learnt something quite interesting in physiology. Human mind works in two ways to remember. Reward and punishment. Something that stimulates its reward area is stored in its memory. Same goes for anything that stimulates its punishment area. Everything else in between falls nowhere and hence is not important enough to be remembered. So you’ll be remembering what it was like to fall in love for the first time, or breaking up, or acing your O/A levels, or getting in the worst fight ever. But what you wore three years ago, what your neighbor’s mother-in-law’s name was, and what you scored in the last test before your terms doesn’t unfortunately get any memory slot.
Its been six years, and here I am still wishing THIS hadn’t gotten any memory slot too. Wishing I could have just forgotten about it in two weeks. Really forgotten about it. Where when you trying remembering stuff, all you get is hazy sketches and a migraine for thinking too much, instead of glaring details and a painful reality. I wish friends weren’t an important part of my life, I wish trusting people too much hadn’t been my weakness, and I wish I wasn’t such an all time believer of the goodness of humanity. I wish I would wake up one day, look back at my last year in school, and not remember all this. I wish I wouldn’t remember that lie, I wish I wouldn’t remember that friend, I wish I wouldn’t remember my emotional exhaustion after that, I wish I wouldn’t remember all that it took away from me for good, I wish I wouldn’t remember any of it.
Cuz 6 years and counting, it still hurts. Even if you cover your heart up with layers and layers of other stuff, whenever you uncover all that, the wound is still there, fresh and raw, refusing to heal. I wish this had been one of those things too, like the name of a class fellow in 3rd grade who you didn‘t know existed. I wish this would fall somewhere between the good and the bad as well, refused and rejected by my mind to be remembered forever.